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Gay parents adopting..

First off I want to say I grew up with gay people, I am not homophobic or anything like that. Both my dad and brother are gay and I am happy for them and love their partners. This is about gay adoption. While I am all for it I will tell you why I am against it for my dad. I am 24 years old and I have an older brother and sister who are in their 30s. My mom and dad divorced back when I was around 3 years old and I used to go to a different state(not naming it) to visit my dad every weekend and eventually met his partner. They now have been together for about 18 years and from the start My dads partner and I became close. I thought of him as another dad. Everything was great and then I eventually moved in with them when I was 15 years old. Then when I was about 19 years old things fell apart. My dad and I wasnt that close anymore because his partner kept getting between us and pushing us away. Then I just left. I had my son in 2008 and my sister has 2 kids herself. Well a few years ago my dad and his partner decided to foster and adopt 3 brothers under 12 years old. While I think that is a great idea and support it, I just dont think its good for my dad. My dad is almost retirement age and his partner about 10 years younger. They could provide a stable home but I just dont think now is the time, if they wanted to do it they should have done it years ago. I think my dad just went along with his partner and that it was his partners idea. I mean my dad has 3 kids all grown up and 3 grandchildren to love and soon to be more! I dont understand why my dad would want more kids at his point in life. Now the deal is, I feel he has pushed me and my son away and even my brother and sister and newphew and neice. He wont spend time with us or his grandchildren but will with his 3 new sons. I feel "Replaced" Now I am asking, do you think that this is right for a dad of 3 kids and 3 grandchildren to adopt more kids and push the REAL ones away? I am so mad about this and frustrated. any help would be great. trying to find a forum to talk about this with other children of gay dads like me :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Jun. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Answers (43)
  • So this has to do with older generations adopting not gay people adopting...right?
    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 11:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • what in the world does that have to do with them being gay?? It's completely irrelevent. This is about you feeling rejected by your father, for numerous reasons. It has nothing to do with his sexuality.
    sahmamax2

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 11:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • Your question and response does not really pertain to "gay couples adopting". It's more of an issue that any couple could face at any time in their lives. I understand how you could feel as you do, that's totally normal. I think you need to have a talk with your father. Sometimes, though, it's just best to leave the situation to work itself out. I can't tell you how many times I have felt that way with my own mother. However, it's her choice, she is an adult, there is nothing I can do or say that will change her mind.

    So, my advice, is to "not" make it a "gay couple adopting" issue. It's not. You need to deal with the way you feel, because you have to choose how to incorporate the whole ball of wax into your life, if you even wish to do that. I wouldn't touch it though.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:52 AM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • I feel he has pushed me and my son away and even my brother and sister and newphew and neice. He wont spend time with us or his grandchildren but will with his 3 new sons.--

    this really isn't about your dad fostering or adopting anyone. its about you and your feelings of being ''replaced''. first of all, you haven't been replaced. you have issues with feeling pushed aside for awhile now, and you need to deal with that..you aren't always the center of anyone's life, kwim? secondly, if your dad/partner are ok'd by the state to foster these kids, and i'm assuming they have been checked out as all are, then its their decision to do so. those kids need 'fathering' and stability..this is what your dad/partner are doing. whether your dad ''just went along with it'' is his deal, not yours. either way, you need to step back and be a parent to your kid(s)..and let your dad live his life.
    jmho
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 11:52 AM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • It is not just gay parents who adopt late in life. There are many parents who adopt late in life.

    My parents are both 62 and just last year adopted 2 new children (10 and 16). They have 4 adult children already (31, 29, 27, 21). My parents love being parents and grandparents.

    Here is the question I would ask you, if your dad and his partner are willing and able to give a home and love and security to three children who need a family, why shouldn't they? They are doing an admirable and selfless thing that will forever change the lives of these young children.

    You are the adult, it is time to stop being jealous of these kids. They need love and a family just as much as you did. Focus your energy on your family and maybe think about welcoming these three new kids in with all the love and acceptance that you would give your other siblings. They do not deserve to be punished for your insecurity.
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 11:53 AM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • original poster---- so I am just suppose to step back, let my dad have NEW kids and my son not have a grandfather or me a father??? I want to have a relationship with my dad. Everytime I get close his partner pushes me away. Like I said I am happy that the boys have homes I just think they wouldnt the court see hmmm well you cant take care of your three kids in any way but you can take care of these three boys... I feel" Guess I wasnt good enough". Well I will leave it at that and throw my dad to the curb. Guess I live with no mom or dad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:00 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • Or you could stop throwing a fit and recognize that your dad is starting a new chapter in his life. Maybe if you were not so hostile towards your dad and his partner, they would be more willing to let you in and stay more involved with you.
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:02 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • You know its not just me here, my siblings feel the same exact way
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • I just think they wouldnt the court see hmmm well you cant take care of your three kids in any way


    I have an older brother and sister who are in their 30s.


    What court in the country thinks mentally competent 30 year olds need to be taken care of?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:04 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • you need to grow up. like i said, the world doesn't revolve around you. what happened with your life is something you need to deal with..you have children, for god's sake. parent them! love them! but by all means, let your dad do what he wants to do. no amount of him not fostering/adopting is going to make right what you feel was so wrong.
    your jealousy could cost you what relationship you currently have with him to go by the wayside.
    love is a two-way street, doll.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:07 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

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