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17 year old wants to live in my house with no rules

My 17 yr old recently left home. He said he is 17 and shouldn't have any rules. He was living with a friend for about 7 weeks. I guess the family finally got tired of it and kicked him out. He came back home. He said he would live by our rules. My rules aren't hard. Go to school, on weeknights be in by 9:30, on weekends midnight. If he is any later just call me.He knows I do not approve of underage drinking, however, if he is going to do it, please do not drink and drive. You can stay overnight where you are, or I will come and get you. As long as he respects me, I will respect him.
The 3rd night night he was home he broke all these rules. I had to go to a sheriffs dept at 1:00 in the morning to pick him up. I grounded him him the next weekend.He says noones making him stay home.I told him if he cant live by my rules he will have to leave. Am I wrong? That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

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Asked by kellybelly124 at 6:39 PM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (16)
  • honey-if he wants to be an adult then treat him like one. make him get a job and charge rent. enough rent to cover food, bills, gas for car, etc. i was the same way and then i got pregnate and had to move into the real world and had no clue about what it was really like. tell him if he cant pay rent then he cant live there. if he can pay rent then fine do what he wants. but in the real world mommy isnt always there to bail you out of trouble. and if you do get a call from the sheriffs office then tell them to book him in-you cant come get him. let him stay in jail. my cousin is 22 yo and has always been bailed out of trouble. now hes got a drug addiction that nobody can control. not saying that this will happen to your son but id break this habit now. good luck

    Answer by SThompson21 at 6:44 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Well, my first response was to laugh when I saw your headline. But this IS very serious. As hard as it would be, I would do the same thing. If you want to live in my house, it will be by my rules. Even after your turn 18. I think you are doing the right thing. Stay firm! I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 6:46 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I guess what I didn't add. Didn't have room for, was that he has been in trouble a lot. I always make him take responsibility for his poor choices. He will do jail time next, because I will not bail him out. I only went to pick him up that night because they were going to impound my jeep, and they weren't pressing charges against him for drinking and driving only speeding. (they should have) I was afraid whoever was going to pick him up might of been drinking themselves. I have had trouble with him since he was 14. He has been in counseling a very long time. He used to never be disrespectful. The problems I had with him before were sneaking out at night and drinking. I have also had him in rehab.
    I like the rent idea.

    Answer by kellybelly124 at 7:03 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Yep. I'd tell him that if he wants to be an adult and he thinks he can handle it than by all means he can be one. Pay rent, pay for his car, pay for insurance, pay for food, do his own laundry, cook, bail himself out of jail, etc., etc., etc. If he can't do it, I guess he's not old enough to be an adult! Maybe that will open his eyes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Absolutely not. Life is full of rules whether it's being on time to work or stoping at the red light. if he won't respect your rules, what other rules is he disrespecting. eventually he'll figure it out. But he's just going to have to do it hte hard way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I know that it's alot easier said than done, but there comes a point where you have to just let him fall and not pick him up and it is better for him legally if that happens before he turns 18. If he is driving your car tell him no more- one time drinking and driving is 1 too many especially since you have told him he can stay where he is or call you to get him.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:22 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • let me guess you don't believe in corporal punishment.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • next time the sheriffs departments call you at 1am let them know he is a adult according too him so he can deal with it i would not go out after his but he thinks he is a big man let him be one he wants no rules and do what he wants when he wants then he can get a job and pay rent food gas lights electric and any other expense he may have i would do nothing what so ever for him

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • There are rules and boundaries in life no matter how old you are. And the consequences only get bigger. Yours must be clear and firm. "I don't approve of underage drinking but if you do"... not clear. With the drinking, we told our 17 yr old we know he drinks, no one can drink in our home because of the laws, but if he needs a ride home for safety, he can let us know. He can not take his car if he is drinking. After a few months of getting sick and hangovers, his drinking is minimal. Rules must be set and be clear. Maybe you could ask him what rules there should be, and write them down. Also set ahead of time what the punishments will be if the rules are broken. It is not a perfect science, and each kid is different. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for all. He must learn to respect authority, you and himself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Too bad for him. If he doesn't follow the rules GROUND HIM and make him stay home. You are the mom and you ahve that power.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

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