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2 Bumps

I called my fiance to ask if he could look up a company online...

We just moved and dont have internet at the house, but he does on his phone and I really needed to call these people before they closed. So I called him and he asked his guy friend, his "bro", "does your wife call you if she can't find something?" The friend said no.
Now am I out of line here NO!!! So why is he comparing me to his friends wife?!
My pet peeve is being compared, I am not livid but boy am I annoyed.
Do I not have the right to be annoyed?
What if everything you did was checked upon by your SO, who would ask your buddies every time you do anything, "does your wife do this, does your wife do that??"
Would it drive you crazy too or is it just me...
Please for sanity's sake!

Answer Question
 
lizzybee44

Asked by lizzybee44 at 8:04 PM on Jun. 25, 2012 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,681 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • i think maybe the issue is deeper than his simple comment. heck, we compare them all the time. no difference IMO.
    perhaps you're being a bit sensitive about this, stemming from something only you know.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:10 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • I don't think it's just a matter of comparing, it's the way it's being done. It sounds like it might be condescending, and a little degrading.... like "Look how helpless my wife is, is yours this helpless?"

    I wouldn't appreciate it either. My husband doesn't compare me negatively to other people's wives. Sometimes he'll tease me about something silly I've done, like going to the store for eggs last week, and coming home with everything but eggs, but in a good natured way. If he's annoyed with something I've done, he'll say something to me in private.

    Does that mean he never talks to his guy friends about his frustration with me...probably not, just that he doesn't do it in a way that embarrasses me, or makes me look bad.

    I'd talk to him and let him know how you feel. Maybe point out some ways that you could compare him to friends husbands...and yet you don't.

    Good luck mama.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:28 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • Also, some guys do this trick as a way of "training" you. Their friends' wives may not really like that. For all you know, it's made up. Guys have found that creating competition gets you to do what they want. In addition, it's also a way to attack your self-esteem and to control you. Your fiancee sounds like he has control issues and is also passive aggressive. 2 very big problems you should reconsider before marrying him. If you read a book written for women dealing with domestic violence, I guarantee you that you would see your scenario as an example of signs of an emotional and/or physical abuser. My vote is to get out while you still can. For someone getting married, he's supposed to be on his BEST behavior, still trying to impress you, not attacking your self-esteem. He sounds like trouble and you are not that desperate, are you? There are plenty of fish out there. Don't settle for less.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:59 AM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • I think it's wrong too.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:06 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • Owe yes that would piss me off. I am not your buddies wife. Stop comparing me to her. And stop asking him that every time I talk to you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:08 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • My DH calls me all the time to look something up for him or to get him a number online.

    If he constantly does it, and it is something you've grown sensitive to because of it, sure, I guess be upset. But if it is here and there, my DH does it to be funny or sarcastic, and it doesn't get to me.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:47 PM on Jun. 25, 2012

  • What you did was perfectly normal and reasonable. I know all too well about those type of friends that can be bad influences on your significant other. You should really consider if you can tolerate this kind of bad influence on your soon to be husband for the rest of your life. You're not just marrying him, but his family and his friends. Also, do you really want to be with someone who can't think for himself? Does he always have to run things by his friend? You will never get a guy to let go of these type of bad friends. The only thing you can control is yourself & what you choose to accept. My fiancee's friends were always giving him bad relationship advice. 1 guy was divorced & 1 guy ending up getting divorced after 1 year, so obviously they were not good resources for relationship advice. They kept meddling in our relationship for years. I finally left him because it was ultimately his choice to listen to them.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:49 AM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • My quick answer is always "if you're not happy with your selection, go get your happy"
    VanessaMomof2

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 11:32 AM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • He shouldn't be making decisions in his personal life based upon the opinions of his friends. I would be upset.

    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

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