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3 Bumps

How to get my son to see he is being taken advantage of ?

Less than a year ago, my son met a woman who is 15 years younger than him. Not only younger, but she has 3 children ( she says they all have the same father, but I really doubt that ) . Soon after meeting, they start talking about marriage and move in together, she then quits working and my son is supporting her and her kids ! Also, she says she cannot have any more kids, which means my son will not have any biological children if he remains with her.

She spends money like their is no tomorrow, decorating their house, dressing the kids ( and not just dressing them like regular kids, they always have to match, and the girls always have to have a hairbow to match every outfit) , actually now that i think of it, most of the time she makes all 5 of them match when they go places !

My son now tells me he is going to adopt her kids after they get married, and I just know he is making a huge mistake that is going to affect the rest of his life !

He wont listen to me and just sticks up for her, how can I make him see the right thing to do is to RUN away from her !?!?!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Jun. 26, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • You can't.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • He's an adult. If you've said this to him once, you've said enough. He has to choose what's worth it to him.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 6:41 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • Is he happy?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • I don't think you can. If you've already voiced your concerns, you need to let it go, no matter how difficult it is.

    It sounds like he's old enough to make his own decisions. If you push too hard, you'll lose your son. You'll ruin any chance of having a relationship with his wife, and that will make it so that you can't have a relationship with him.

    Believe me I know this is hard, but if he's not a teenager....he has to make his own choices. All you can do is be there for him if it doesn't work out. And, eat your words if it does.....
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:43 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • does she not get any kind of support from the father of her children?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:49 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • There is nothing that you can do. He is an adult and will only learn from making his own mistakes.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:01 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • Maybe he is listening to something more powerful that your voice and that is his own heart and mind.

    Maybe if you talked to him and asked why she quit her job and a other things in a less judgemntal manner you might find out how he relly feels. He may not want or care if the children are his biologically, that sounds like you issue.
    If he makes enough for them to live comfortably without her working, HE may have suggested that she stay home with the kids at least for a while. He may like the fact that thy are a family with matching or coordinating outfits, even if it is not your thing.

    Bottom line is that it is his choice and not yours. And he sound old enough to make an adult decision for himself.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 7:02 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • that = than
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 7:03 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • Well, he's an adult and he has to make his own choices. I understand your feelings, believe me. It must be so hard to see our children do something we know it's gonna be bad for them. But there's really not much you can do without pushing him away. You can try talking to him in a mature way, without attacking this woman, or sounding judgmental and telling him you're there for him and leave it at that.

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 7:22 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

  • Well, if he's with a woman 15 years younger than him who already had 3 kids, I'm guessing he has to be AT LEAST in his mid-30s. At this point, there's not really anything you can do. Does he seem happy? Does he seem to be in love with her? If so, then you need to let this go. It sounds like you don't like her very much, and I think that dislike could be influencing your view that she's "taking advantage of him."

    Regardless, he's old enough to know what he's doing. And he's doing it. So you need to accept that this is what he wants to do.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:01 PM on Jun. 26, 2012

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