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how would u look at this?

i recently found out my brother has abused his fiance and they have a child together. ive known from the past that he has put his hands (sexually) on 2 of my best friends. this just pissed me off so much! yesterday there was a stupid arguement and he starts calling me names (btw he is 25) and they tell ME to apologize to him. and so i bring up this abusiveness. i was like i have no respect for my brother anymore. someone needs to talk to him and help him bc first off it wont be me and second..he has issues!! and they defend him like no other. and tell me to look at him as a better person. i was liek whaaat!? i cant! he's disrespected so many people that are close to me. ugh! how would you feel if they basically wouldnt do anything about it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • he's 25, who are they? he does have issues but all you can do is tell him you care (which you may not, so don't lie about that) and that you will help him if he wants it (if you will). It's his fiance and/or any of your firends that need to hand out the consequences for his behavior. Sounds like staying away from him is your best bet. Don't expect "them" to like it though.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 9:15 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • OH! i forgot to add...i babysit for them and he owes me money and he gets mad everytime i ask for it. which i SHOULDNT ever have to ask!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • People like them, you want to make it clear and stay away. You can't win because your input actually helping them.

    I have known one. i am so happy that i don't have to know about her mess in her life anymore.
    yoshiki56

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 9:50 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • My older brother is an alocholic.For many years my Mother refused to accept that he is an alocholic no matter how many times he distoryed her property etc.Her and I got in many fights over this,she even told me to say " I am sorry" to him.Yet I refused to,so I just stopped telling her and stopped coming over her house when he was there. I even stopped answering his phone calls to my house at all hours of the night.I would say they are in denial just like my mother was.Allow them to be in denial,because they can't live there forever.Just erase him out of your life until he straightens himself out.The more you don't come around when he is there and the more you refuse his phone calls etc.I would have to say they will get the picture.
    Jeffsmom87

    Answer by Jeffsmom87 at 10:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • He's your brother and you should stand by him regardless of what he's done to other people. And why should your brother even be paying you to watch his kids. They're famly. It should be free.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • um excuse me anon 10:02 pm. it was an agreement among my whole family that i watch his child and get paid. its very little payment. but its bc i am a single mom and still live at home (i am 19) and can only have a job on the weekends bc i have school during the weeknights. its my only chance to get paid and they are willing to pay me to do it. when its the weekend and shes over..they dont pay me and thats fine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Yeah, I don't agree with just b/c he's your brother, you have to stand by him no matter what. There's no excuse for abuse - and obviously he really does need some help, but others are letting him slide by, b/c love makes people blind. If there was an agreement that she get paid, then she should. Seems like she's doing him an awesome favor by not having him have to pay full daycare charges. My mom watched my kids for me, and although she never really asked for payment, I did help her out with basic food items for them. I agree that the best thing would be to stay away, but that's a little hard when you live at home, so I'm not really sure what to tell you to do from there. You could report the abuse yourself, but I'm not even sure what that will do for the situation. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a selfish person.
    kicknscreamn222

    Answer by kicknscreamn222 at 10:34 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • No actually...I forgot my mom DID get paid, but that's b/c she registered with the state to be a childcare provider outside my home, therefore she was able to get paid from the state childcare assistance program. It wasn't much, but she couldn't work while doing me the favor of taking care of my kids, and just b/c she's grandma does not mean she's automatically free babysitting.
    kicknscreamn222

    Answer by kicknscreamn222 at 10:36 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Ok who is they?? You keep saying they tell you to apologize, they tell you this or that. Who is they? And if he won't pay you to babysit, don't babysit. It's that simple. You can't do anything to change him, he's the only one that can change him. And if his fiance won't leave him for beating her up, that's her problem. I know you care about her, but what can you really do?? Nothing. Just take care of your own baby.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 11:14 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I think that if you see any marks on the child that cannot be explained then you need to take pictures (make sure that the date is on the pictures) of the child where the marks are and then take them to the police cause any woman will not want to lose her child and if the police intervine and helo then the people that are telling you to be by your brother will see the truth. The fiancee will also see the truth as well. Well that is my opinion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

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