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2 Bumps

Friends Complaining

A question from yesterday sparked my curiosity on this...

If you have a friend who, in your own opinion, has things "easier" than you or "better" than you and openly complains about issues regarding those specific things (being worn out after dealing with one kid all day when you have 120 to deal with, having to find someone to clean their 45,314 sq ft house when you live in a broom closet that you clean yourself, etc.), how do you feel about that?

Do you support your friend in what they are complaining about...?

Do you tell your friend to shut up because obviously they don't have anything to complain about...?

Or....what?

 

I should post my response.  I support my friend.  Although things may seem easier or better for her, you don't know how it is for someone until you are in their shoes.

 
AllAboutKeeley

Asked by AllAboutKeeley at 7:44 AM on Jun. 27, 2012 in Relationships

Level 33 (59,879 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • i just them vent. everyone needs to, and like i said yesterday in that anon post (who, btw, as i pointed out then, WAS having her turn at complaining...), most of the time, the verbal complaint has nothing to do with what the real issue is.
    i had a client who, loveable and friendly as she was/is, had a habit of doing this. in the three years it took to build their $1,000,000 dream home (in a city where the average home cost around $145,000), every dang time she sat in the chair, all she did was complain about how the builders/contractors, etc had done something wrong with a cabinet or door frame or the wood-carved handle on her sub-zero refridgerator. the limestone and marble flooring/stairway!..omg, don't get her started on that!!
    yeah. it's kinda funny, too, though. lol.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:30 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • I try not to let jealousy get in the way of friendship.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 8:00 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • I try to keep the perspective that each of us is different and therefore have a different tolerance level to difficulties. I've had to deal with such situations because DH have it harder economically than most of our friends and family. And yes, sometimes listening to my mom complain that she's going through a "rough time" when she just got back from a cruise when I can't even take a bus to Acapulco or my sil complaining she couldn't afford the deluxe Odyssey and had to go with the normal one when both DH and I drive 10 year old cars does hit a nerve. But I make the effort to understand that by their living standard, that is a setback and worthy of a complain. And I think that I probably complain about things other find ridiculous. I just complained about or old cars, I'm sure a person who can't even afford a car would find that shallow.
    So I quietly listen to their vent and not demean their feelings because of my own jealousy
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 9:24 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • At the same time I try not to complain about something when I know the other person is having it harder. I don't go to the lady that helps me with the cleaning twice a week and whine about not being able to take my boys to Disney World, precisely because I've been in the opposite position and I know it makes one feel awful.

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 9:28 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • yea i have a friend like that. it depends on my mood....if i'm feeling nice, i try comfort her or whatever but if i'm irritated i ignore her texts
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 7:47 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • I don't know that I would "support" her per se, but I wouldn't tell her she can't complain. Just because she might have things that seem better to me, that doesn't mean that there aren't things in her life that make her miserable. I would try to listen to her and let her vent, as long as she did the same usually. If she was a friend who just always wanted to complain about her life and never listen to anyone else or talk about anything else...well, I'd probably rethink the friendship.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:03 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • I actually don't have any friends who do that. My closest friends are in close to the same situation as I am or worse. They bitch about everything, but then again so do I.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 9:36 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • It would depend entirely on MMOTD. I could simply do the shake head yes and feign a smile.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:48 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • I have a friend like that. I always listen and try to comfort her even though inside I'm shaking my head and think "hunny you have no idea!"

    It wouldn't bother me so bad if she would SOMETIMES ask me how MY life was going... (she is actually family not so much a friend lol)
    LoViNmYbAbIeSs

    Answer by LoViNmYbAbIeSs at 10:03 AM on Jun. 27, 2012

  • Most things I try to be sympathetic about but there are a few that really get to me. There was a lady I knew once that complained about how her husband got on her nerves, "always being so lovey dovey and being overly romantic". She would go on and on about it, and was thinking about leaving him for someone else who had more money. I was furious! I said "What do you want?!? An asshole? You want someone to yell at you, run around with other women, leave you pregnant and stranded? Or a man who would rather watch TV than listen to you or take you anywhere?" We had a loooong, honest conversation. Now she's married to him and wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes our friends need us to be honest...lovingly of course.

    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 10:26 AM on Jun. 27, 2012