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Arguing and fighting over small and insignificant things

My fiancee and I have been together for a little over 6 years now. We have a one year old girl. We seem to fight and argue over almost anything no matter how small or stupid the thing is. It coule be something as simple as me asking him if he locked the car. He get irritated and thinks I shouldn't be asking the questions just because it annoys him or something like that. We never used to be like this it really started when I found out I was pregnant, so almost 2 years ago. Has anyone had/having this problem? What did you do to help the issue? Please...it's driving me nuts and I hate to argue and fight with him.

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Bamzakarat

Asked by Bamzakarat at 2:36 AM on Feb. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,054 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I have this problem. It usually begins with something totally irrelevant. I've learned that when I feel like our conversation is going to turn into an argument, I have to say something like "I'm really not trying to argue with you, I'm not mad, I'm just trying to tell you how I feel". It works most of the time. I've noticed to that our arguments tend to escalate because we are both hard headed and very defensive. It's funny that you mention it started when you were pregnant because that's when it started for us too. We used to be best friends and now it seems like we can't stand each other sometimes. I'm still working through it too so I can't give you any advice on how we got over it, sorry. I'm thinking we just need to work on our communication and realize that we are not out to piss the other one off all the time!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • You have to learn to not sweat the small stuff. Sounds like you are both getting annoyed by insignificant things. You asking him if he locked the car probably makes him feel like a child rather than a man. Try not to do that. You've got to just let some things go. Men are never going to think like women, no matter how hard you try. When you start to let go of some of that control, you will be much happier.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 2:55 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I too have this problem, and we are just learning how to work it out. It's very important for us, that if someone feels like they are getting angry, to walk away for 10-20 minutes, and then come back and discuss the situation calmly.
    I have also had to teach myself not to ask the questions that start it in the first place. (Did you lock the car etc...) If it bothers you that he might have forgotten, instead of asking him, say you forgot something in the car and go back, while you're in the car, check his door...
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 3:09 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I have this same problem with my husband. I've concluded that he's insecure and intimidated by me so he uses anger to try and break me down for the littlest of things. Try not to argue back and just let it go...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • in relationships we tend to argue over little things but more often than not it is a cover for something bigger . have you just tried bringing up the way you are feeling and that your wondering if there is something on his mind. avoid starting your sentences with if, and you..
    If is threatening and You signals an attack on character. he may be feeling that he is not getting enough attention because of the little one. having a child creates changes in a relationship. goodluck.
    hypersquirrel

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 5:14 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

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