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I'm sick and tired of my verbally abusive husband....

it seems like every month or so he flips out on me. Last night I was on the phone with my brother and he starts asking me about some sponges he bought from the supermarket. I told him that I don't know where it is and finished my conversation...he gets upset and starts yelling and screaming at my in front of our 6 year old and his 16 year old son (that lives with us)...saying things like he's 5 seconds from off of my ass and that I think I'm so perfect and can do no wrong and I told him to have some respect and don't talk to me like that in front of the kids. He tells me that he'll flip out on me in front of anyone he wants. I basically just ignored him after a while so that it wouldn't get worse. I went to bed after putting my son to bed. Instead of confronting him verbally I wrote him a note saying that I'm tired of him humilating and threatening me and that I want better for my son...he deserves to have loving parents and

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Feb. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Give him an ultimatum, he either changes or he can leave.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:26 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • cont.....and that if he wonders why I'm not loving towards him, this is the reason why. He's very affectionate towards me but I'm not in love with him anymore due to his verbal abuse for the last 4 years or so. We've been together for 13 years and married for 6 years. I told him enough is enough. Aside from the verbal abuse he's a great father and man. I just feel that life is too short to be with someone like this. But I hurt for my son who loves his father to death. I just wanted a bit of advice from some mature moms.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Dont write notes and threaten him...........dont provoke him. He sounds more then slightly unable to control his temper. The only note I would leave him is the one as I walk out the door. YOu do know tht you son will either A. treat you like your husband is........B. Try to protect you in which your husbands nastiness will eventually turn to your son. Sometimes its not a good thing for the parents to live together. When a man starts threatening you. The threats will turn to reality eventually.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:27 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I agree with sammiesmom2000, however if you DO give him an ultimatum make sure you follow through with it.

    Answer by ArmyWifeNewMom at 9:29 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I've given false ultimatums in the past...he admits that he's wrong. I agree that this is not the right environment for my son. I grew up with an emotionally abusive dad and I still can't have a good relationship with my mom. I need to leave him. It's just so hard after so much history. I really need to move on....ugh.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • You said you have been together for 13 years and it has only been in the last 4 years he has been this way, so there may be something to work with if he is willing to get help to change. What changed in the last 4 years? And if he does it once a month, is it like when all the bills come due and he is actually stressing about that and taking it out on you? If you think you still want to be with him is he willing to get counseling?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I definitely think that our financial stress plays a role in his behavior and mine too...I become aggravated and resentful towards him as well. In the last 4 years his income has reduced drastically while my career has taken off. Overall we both make pretty decent money but still find it hard to make ends meet. We've been to counseling before...about 3 years ago. I think we can benefit from it again but I'm just tired....tired of trying and tired of being the mature one.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I think you provoke him. Can I ask you why you didn't simply tell you're brother you'd call him back and go help your husband look for the sponges?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Sounds like he needs help. He is prob angry at something that has nothing to do w/ you. Ignore him and walk away when he starts yelling. If you are not there who is he gonna yell at?

    Answer by MomnVa at 10:56 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Read the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggert. It showed me how my disrespect kept the cycle of that and my husband's unloving behavior from stopping. I had to realize and acknowledge that the cycle could stop but something had to change. I think you and your husband are in that cycle. I will be honest with you because I care. The scenario you described is over something seemingly mindless (the sponges and the phone conversation) but I think there is something deeper going on between the two of you that you both have a part in. My husband and I went through this all the time and the book and a group based on the book changed my life. My husband got the info and uses it a lot less than me though. It doesn't matter. The cycle is broken because of what I applied. We have peace here. Your precious son is worth the effort to delve into ti. PM me to discuss etc. IMO, there is hope for you and dh.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:06 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

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