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My husband and I are married for 12 yrs and we have a 9 yr old daughter together. He has a son from his previous marriage. Before marriage he told me that his son, who was 4 yrs old, visit him few weeks in a yr which eventually turned to almost 50-50 parenting time. On and off his son was causing problems in our marriage like disrespecting me, lying, and things will happen at home only when he is around (going out, visiting, road trips), he needs to be there even in our picture otherwise my husband would never even have a picture with me. I was very sad to see this behavior but slowly and slowly it started becoming a pattern. Even before our daughter was born, he told me that I need to take care of his son completely otherwise there will be no child in our marriage. I couldn't understand him as his mother would always send him to our home (which was always 90% of time in a month) whenever she has some plans and my husband would happily bring him home and then go to his work. I was the only one at home taking 100% care of him. His son was very happy with me because my husband always asked him about his day with me. I felt like an interrogation going on. Recently, his son (who is 15 now) complained about his mom that she is abusing him (like slapping or taking away his phone). I felt bad for him and both my husband and I tried to help him by talking to him. Then suddenly one night we got a call from his mom and she started fighting with my husband for the things her son shared with us and now his son wanted to come and stay with us. At 11.30 pm his step dad dropped him at our place. He cried on my shoulder and I calmed him down. We filed the emergency motion based on his story. Court appointed the Child Psychologist (CP). From the day he came to our home till the day he had his appointment with the CP, he was very nice with me. He followed me wherever I go, even would take food from my plate, ask me for the things he wanted, talked about his school. But then suddenly after his appointment he was totally different person. Things at our home are solely his now like laptop, TV or even food. He started making mockery faces at me, started getting violent with our daughter. One day he refused to share laptop with our daughter as she needed to prepare for her school test. I told him that she will give him back in 30 mins but he said “NO” 3-4 times angrily and then he pushed me couple of times. Eventually I got out of his room. But then he started looking at me with his very angry eyes and I ask him to stop. Suddenly he got up from his chair with anger and got his fist very close to my face and said “I’ll hit you” and “You are way lower than my mom”. I called my husband immediately. He said he will talk to him which never happened in front of me. So I really don’t know if talked to him or not. He would act very nicely with us in front of his dad. I talked to my husband about his behavior and his actions and that he is very different person behind his back. He always told me that he will talk. But now it’s been almost 7 months he is with us 100% and I am the one who is spending more time with him. I can see how his mom was trying to discipline him and I really don’t blame her as he is very tough kid. He told us so many things but never told us how he was also responsible or at fault like eating his food alone, mom taking away his phone or slapping him (slapping is his version). I am seeing his similar behavior here – we have to wait for him at the dinning table because he needs to finish his game before we can start eating, never pick up his dirty clothes and put them in a laundry basket, his room is a big mess, won’t shampoo for 2 months, doesn’t care if everyone in the home is doing some chores but nobody can ask him to do anything because he is always playing and games are more important (not even putting the trash can outside or help in gardening though my 9 yr old would help us in every which she can). His dad will never say anything to him but when I asked him how come he is exception in this home. He always wanted me to tell his son to do some chores which makes me feel like he is afraid of his own son and yes I have told him multiple times. After reading few docs from his mom submitted to the court, I could relate those things like making mockery, pushing, and anger. I told my husband if his son would have told us the whole truth in the beginning, today we would not be spending tons of money at the court. He neither agrees nor disagrees. I think he also knows what happened and realized his mistake. His response is he is precious and important too. We agree he is important but this is not the way that he should get away with all these things. I am extremely sorry for the details. I am really looking for some help or advice on how to handle this situation, how can I stay behind the scenes but let the truth come out in front of court without destroying my family peace and environment?Answer Question
Answer by meooma at 3:49 PM on Jun. 30, 2012
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