Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Commitment-less? Bootycall situation?

There's this man who I've been dealing with for 3 years now. We started off as crush's.... moved into friends with benefits without me even realizing then I finally cracked. Half a year ago, I chose to ask if he felt the same way. He was confused as to how I felt and I said I really liked him and he said that it wasn't that he didn't feel the same but he was still young (early 20s) and whats meant to be will find its way. I decided to distant myself. A week later he saw me and decided to start making more plans, trying to go skating and ect. I was happy again at one point.. then we slowly got back to the friends with benefits stage.

What should I say now :/
I don't want to let go of someone whom I want to actually marry. It's so hard to say no to plans even when they are last minute just because his presence makes me so happy.

We used to go out.. resturants. Double dates occasionally with his friends, trusts me enough to talk to me 1 on 1 and tell me personal secrets. He hasn't been in a relationship before. Some months we hangout more than others but I'm always wanting more. He always pays for dates. He also dedicates so much time to his work and friends. I want to get him to want me and only me right now.. I just don't know how? HELP

 

Lets put it this way........... I don't know if I'm the only girl he "hooks up" with but I know he isn't a sex machine/player. I'm the girl that really knows a lot about his life and we have a ton of insiders. Whenever I ask to hangout he makes time for me but I don't feel right always doing the asking.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jul. 2, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • You don't want a forced relationship. They never work!

    Play hard to get, say no occassionally., that'll get him thinking if you're the one for him.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:19 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • I'm sorry but you don't accidentally become friends with benefits. You didn't slip and land on a penis. Just own up to it.

    That said... he doesn't sound serious about you. If he were, he would be trying harder to make something lasting with you. He sounds content with the relationship as it is.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 12:21 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • I gave this advice to someone on here in your similar situation. You are just the "good time chick". I know you may feel like he's "the one" but in all honesty he told you how he felt. He's young and isn't at the point in his life to settle down. You can't make someone into something they're not. If you keep running back to him whenever he calls or give into whatever you two do then nothing will change. You're only young once and he should enjoy himself, it's not fair for you to try and control him when he's onlhy been going along with what you two have been doing for years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Jul. 2, 2012



  • time to move on, keep him as friend, but nothing more, make herself date other men, and if he finds out-GOOD
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:17 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • Three years is a long time to wait around. As others have said, you can't make him into something he isn't. It's hard, but maybe you ought to consider dating other people.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:26 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • Yyou are friends. That's all.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:47 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • You either sit around and wait tell he is ready for marriage, hopping you the one he chooses.  Or drop him and go find a man who wants what you want.  Your choice.  Pick one.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:41 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • He's made it very clear that this is all he wants from you. This is a perfect example of a take it or leave it situation. Even if he is talking to you about his life, it doesn't mean he's got feelings for you. Friends talk about their lives to each other. You *think* that you are the only girl that he talks to and who knows so much about his life, but I think you're probably fooling yourself. You say yourself that you distanced yourself from him and a week later, things slipped right back into the same pattern. That shows him that he doesn't have to make any decisions or tell you any lies about his feelings - it shows him you're going to sleep with him regardless. If you really want commitment, then stop sleeping with him and start dating. You'll either find someone who can give you what you want, or he'll wake up and realize he wants that with you. Then make him work for it.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:49 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • Tough situation. Sounds like he isn't interested in more than what you already have. If you can accept that, ok. If not, then time to move on to something more with someone better. It just depends on what you want and what you are willing to accept.
    macbudsmom

    Answer by macbudsmom at 9:47 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

  • Sorry - but if you want more than what you currently have (friends with benefits) you will need to stop having sex with him. And chances are that truly committed relationship you crave will not be with him. Sleeping with him now keeps you from being able to be with others. It is rare that these types of relationships you are having actually turn into marriage. I wasted 3 years of my relationship life with a guy like that where the relationship was utterly undefined while in college. He ended up moving in with another girl unbeknownst to me before it ended with us. (I found out years later from a mutual friend) and ended up marrying her.

    Don't waste any more time in this situation. Being intimate with someone generates feelings of love over time for women. You need to get away from him to be free to meet someone who is really into you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jul. 2, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN