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Am i wronge dating a man that has kids around my age

im in love with this(45) man an he has two daughters and im just a older then them (24) and he want more kids and also get married am i wrong

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jadababy11

Asked by jadababy11 at 11:29 AM on Jul. 3, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 7 (164 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I don't think it's "wrong", but I know if there is a huge age gap and his children are around the same age it could create tension. If you're willing to deal with all of that then I say go for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • I don't know, I do believe that people should be happy, but I think there are a lot of things to consider. Some people will say that your relationship is nobody else's business, unfortunately, your relationship does affect other people. Plus, you need to think long term.

    How does his family, especially his daughters feel about your relationship? Does it hurt them? Does it cause problems in his relationship with them? Does it make them uncomfortable? How does your family feel about it? I'm 51 w/ 3 adult sons, I think it would bother me for them to be wi/a woman near my age. It wouldn't feel natural to me.

    For myself, I couldn't be w/ a man old enough to be my father, it would be to weird for me. I also wonder about the maturity or motivation of a man who wants to be with a woman young enough to be his daughter. Then, there's the fact that he will probably die AT LEAST 20 years before you do.

    I hope you'll think carefully!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • If you love him and he loves you then no, it's not wrong. As long as you are both adults, that is.
    texasgurl33

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • You're 24 - a legal, consenting adult. it's not "wrong." If you're both happy and comfortable with the relationship, then you follow your heart. My husband and I do have a sizable age gap between us. He is 13 1/2 years older than me to the day. There is exactly 6 months between our birthdays. It is not usually an issue. He had never been married before and had no kids. If he had, certainly that would have presented certain challenges to our relationship and I'd need to be sure I was prepared to handle those long term. How do you get along with his children? Is there tension there? Are you in a position where you are ready and willing to take that current relationship as is for life if nothing changes? I also know that the odds are I will be a relatively young widow. DH is now in his early 50s. I am not yet 40 (just turned 39.) I am prepared for that and I have a game plan that evolves as our kids age. Are you ready for that?
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:56 AM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • It is important with ANY marriage or long term relationship to understand the various alternate paths that lie ahead and be willing to accept those various scenarios. It is more so when one of those paths increases in likelihood. I knew when we married that I'd likely be on my own at a younger age than most of my peers. Sure, it can happen at any time, at any age, but marrying a man significantly older also meant that I was bumping my odds. I also went in to it knowing that the odds are he'd be in a position of having to retire or take a paycut tied to aging related issues and I'd be the primary breadwinner at the time. It's why, even though at this point we could shuffle budgets so I could stay home full-time I continue to work in my field part-time. My resume must be current so I can step up when I need to. That's not a consideration most married couples of similar age often focus on. Just know what you're getting into
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:00 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • there are certainly things to consider, but it isn't wrong.
    zetajen

    Answer by zetajen at 12:11 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • I did the whole older man thing. I also had some daddy issues that needed working on. When push came to shove, a few years down the road, he was in a totally different place in his life than I was, and didn't care about what I cared about. I personally would not have been comfortable with him having kids the same age. Who ever said age ain't nothing but a number was just looking for justification.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:57 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • I don't think it's wrong, exactly, but I do think it will have more complications than another relationship might. I know if my father dated a woman around my age, I would be really bothered. I'd probably keep my feelings to myself, but I wouldn't really be thrilled. I wouldn't want to be friends with her or anything, and I'd find it hard to treat her as a stepparent with her so close to my own age.

    If you and he are happy, and you are both willing and prepared to deal with whatever challenges arise, then go for it. But you need to be prepared for people to be against you, for plans not working out the way you want them to, and consider the very real possibility that in a few years, you might realize that you really have nothing in common anymore and are in very different places.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:17 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • Very few of those type of relationships work. I'd be careful.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:49 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

  • Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Do his children like/love you? If so, go for it. But they may be weirded out by new mom being their same age. I know I would be!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 5:57 PM on Jul. 3, 2012

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