For Only Children or Parents of Onlies

I'm 41 and have had three miscarriages in a row, so it looks like my preschooler will be an only child. She has two half-siblings, but they'll be grown up and on with their lives before she starts school. So I'm wondering, what do only children and parents of onlies enjoy about the experience? What was difficult, and how can I minimize the difficulties?

P.S. Please don't tell me to go on trying to have another baby. I can't deal with more pregnancy losses.

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Asked by Ballad at 11:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2012 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)

^what she said, plus...it has cropped up in the past few years (he's 7) how much he'd like a brother or sister, as most everyone he knows has a ''whole family''..his words, meaning they have siblings. he gets lonely for other kids a lot, so we take lots of trips to the park or anywhere else that has kids freely playing with other kids. he makes friends easily..just blends in with whatever group is playing..which is good, but also shows how much he would rather not be an only-child. like you, i've had miscarriage, and at our age, its not something we take lightly (not that anyone does) and assume we can 'try again'.
there are a lot of pluses to having one child..just as there are pluses to having multiple children. it is what it is..you make life what you want it to be.
look at it this way: all the extracurricular activities/sports your one child could be interested in are that much easier (and cheaper!).

Answer by dullscissors at 12:00 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
Credits: 343459 Level 49 General Parenting Degree

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I think it's great to have one child. I have a great son and I don't think he would have turned out the same way if he had to compete for attention with other siblings. It's great that I can read to him with no interruptions, give him one on one learning time, we can watch a movie and generally just enjoy one another. I honestly don't think that I would ever want any more children because I'm really happy in our lives. I know some people might say that an only child is spoiled but I don't think that's the case for everyone. Sure I let him get a book from the bookstore whenever we go but I don't think that's a bad thing. You just have to instill manners and compassion in your parenting. I'm sorry for your loss but if you're set on having just one then I say enjoy your child and cherish every moment. Good luck with everything you do.

Answer by Bugzmomma at 11:49 AM on Jul. 3, 2012
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I grew up as an only child. I have a half sister that is 4 years younger, but she lived with our mom and I was raised by my dad. For me, because he was working all the time, I was always home alone and hand no one to play with. I was LONELY! If he was home he was sleeping on the couch or yelling at me.

Take her to her friend's houses. Encourage her to be involved in things. PLAY with her. Be involved in her life. My dad never was and I was always too far away from my friends to go there myself. Books became my best friends; and my imagination.

Answer by Rosehawk at 11:56 AM on Jul. 3, 2012
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My dd was an only child until she was 10. I know she was bored sometimes but for the most part we really enjoyed those years when we were alone (I was a single mom). I had to be sure I raised her as if their were more kids which meant I made her sleep in her own room, I got to go first sometimes when we played games. I didn't let her win all the time. I said no just to say no sometimes even when I could've said yes more often. I basically didn't want her to be an "only child brat." I also tried to give her a sense of humor so she could deal with chaos better. She seemed to get annoyed since we had more control/predictability at our house. It helped her to not be so frustrated when things were unpredictable in big group situations.

Answer by ria7 at 12:23 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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My daughter is an only, and we only intended to have one. She's only three so I haven't had to deal with the issue of her asking for a sibling yet.

For us, one of the upsides of only having one child is that it makes it easier for us to share our love of travel with her. I'm sure there are people who can afford to take three kids along to Europe, but we're certainly not one of them. We enjoy being able to focus all of our energies and resources on her. At the same time, we're very conscious of the dangers of spoiling her and do our best to teach her to be aware of others.

For what it's worth, my cousin was an only and she's always said she enjoyed going home to her "own" space after a long day hanging out with all of the rest of us.

Answer by katiemomNY at 1:31 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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I take this time to enjoy my only child. He is in private school we can afford because we only have one child. We are able to equally go to all his events, appointments, take time off...no worries about coordinating for the other kid. He gets to do a lot of stuff because he is an only child. From Y membership, dance, swim lessons, karate, golf, soccer, basketball, trips, and more. I don't worry about the cost because he's the only child we have and I don't worry I am slighting a sibling. I one day way later may adopt again but for now we are content with one child.

Answer by frogdawg at 1:46 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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Thanks for the awesome answers! I don't drive, but I make sure to set up activities with my daughter where we can go with friends. I'm not a good traveler, so Europe might be out. I think my daughter has been used to being the bell of the ball, so preschool has been good for her because she's just one of the kids, who has to give and take with the others. She has started to ask for a sibling, though. I told her it wasn't going to happen, so she asked Daddy. When she got the same answer from him, she said in a huff, "Fine. I'll ask Santa for one."

Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
Credits: 83798 Level 36 General Parenting Major
^ lol..if only that worked!

Answer by dullscissors at 2:30 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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Your child will be fine maybe even better than most. She can make her own experiences and not have to share with siblings. She'll have a wonderful life if you just love her and guide her.

Answer by admckenzie at 3:26 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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*hugs*

Answer by hopeandglory53 at 4:19 PM on Jul. 3, 2012
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