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Does anyone else have any issues with SO family?

I come from a well off background, everyone in my family has at least a masters degree and we value education. Knowledge is Power. The problem is my Fiances family is the complete opposite. They dont value education, they say they do but someone who truley values education would pursue it. Dont get me wrong, I love my fiance dearly and he had a tough life. My fiance has yet to get his G.E.D. He holds a good job but jobs like his are not guarenteed. Im worried that raising a child in a family like theres may discourage the child to pursue education and take the easy route. As much as my fiances aunt pushes her twenty five year old daughter to do something productive with her life besides sit around on her butt She doesnt do it, why? Because shes not leading by example.
so how can i push my fiance to better himself and how am i supposed to tell him how i feel about his family values being instilled in our child?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Feb. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I was raised under the same circumstances you were and I am married to a man who only has a HS diploma. My kids are all college bound. I used myself and my parents, cousins, aunts and uncles as examples of how to live. My kids see how their other grandparents struggle over the most minor things vs my parents and family who dont. It goes a long way to show them the difference as they are growing up. No one wants to be poor but sometimes people are raised that way and just dont think they can do better. Your kids have you and just keep on them about how important it is to be successful so you can work SMART instead of working HARD.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:18 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • You set an example for your child stay on their butts on how important it is to put education first.
    I know you don't mean to but don't compare him to your background obviously there was something about him that you liked...so don't make him feel bad, he loves you right?
    If you feel your S/O is not good enough move on...but if you feel he has potential try pushing him.
    The way things are now a days the layoffs and all just be happy he has a job there will always be some kind of job for him. Hope things work out.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 4:32 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I think you should be more concerned about how your fiances outlook on education will effect your future children. If he's different than his family than the children will follow in his footsteps not theirs. Is he pursuing an education beyond GED? It seems this could become a real issue in your future lives. You shouldn't have to push him into wanting things, he should want them for himself. I mean if you were both happy with the same lifestyle than it would be fine. I see nothing wrong with being happy with a HS diploma and working that type of job. The problems come when one is more ambitious than the other and is unhappy with the others lack of motivation. I see this problem with other couples and it can get kinda ugly. Best of Luck.
    mamawilson112

    Answer by mamawilson112 at 4:34 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Well it can be a problem down the road, I have seen it before among friends. My family is all educated but my parents were Ivy League people and so there was never a question as to if we'd go to college. One sister said she wasn't going and my Dad dropped her off at McDonald's to take a good look around to decide if that was her future. And there's nothing wrong with McDonald's, it just wasn't for her and she quickly changed he mind. You must have a chat with your husband about how critical it is this day in age. Good luck. I am sure he senses your disappointment with their lack of interest in education.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:35 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • It could really make you look bad to compare your family to his in this way... the damage is done to your DH as far as lacking drive and being raised thinking this is acceptible. You cannot change his family, but you can do your best to encourage DH and raise your children to understand the importance of education.

    You yourself can lead by example for not only your children but for DH too.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

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