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What did I do? I have always pampered my man and always did all of the chores... now that baby is here.... oh no!

I liked doing chores, basically because I wanted them done my way and no other way. Now that baby is here I am falling behind and need help!

He works hard 12 hour days and deserves rest. I work too but am on maternity leave.... I am still pulling 24 hour shifts though with baby and house.

How do I get him to pitch in? I have mentioned once that it would be great if he helped around the house more. That was it though and nothing changed. He is not a bad guy.... it is my fault.

Help! I am drowning here!

Answer Question
 
girlneffy

Asked by girlneffy at 6:23 PM on Feb. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • tell him-dont beat around the bush or drop hints. tell him honey i need some help.
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 6:27 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • I agree with sthompson21 you have to tell him flat out that it is too much for you to handle. You understand he is working alot of hours but you just need him to help you with some things with the house and with the baby! It's his job too, its part of being a parent!
    RhondaJ

    Answer by RhondaJ at 7:02 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Awww...you've spoiled him! :-). Just flat out tell him that you need some help. It must be hard with the new baby. He should understand and help out a bit.
    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 7:36 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • It might help if you made the extra chores for him just temporary, or limited. Say on the weekend, he could take care of meals and clean up- if he goes out to get meals or gets tv dinners- then fine. Or would he do all the floors on Saturday? Make it simple and plain- and just a one time effort, although you could warn him that for the next month ( or two or three) that you would be grateful if he would help with the household chores by once a week doing the one task. You could bring up that he is a wonderful provider and that you know he works long and hard for you and the family, but that you are tired from the pregnancy and birth and are wondering if he'd help out. If you observe that he resents it, then don't ask again.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:09 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Yes, tell him and don't beat around the bush or hint. Men can't read our minds as my SO tells me all the time. And be specific about what you want him to do. Dishes every other day, laundry on certain days, clean the bathroom, pick up the living room, your room, baby's room. First time I made a mistake and said I needed help. Wasn't very specific and SO did what he thought was helpful. (NOT very much or what I needed!) So we talked about it again, and he now knows what I expect from him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Yes, please tell him now, I waited 10 years and 3 boys, being a perfectionist is exhausting even when you stop work you still need to relax, I am a SAHM and its the hardest thing I've ever done, I think its guilt because you're not bringing a paycheck, well let's see just what you're not being paid for: cooking, cleaning,accounting, shopper, counselor , sex, dishwasher, backrubber, detective(honey, where's this or that)? Aand then the real baby cries! I even washed my husband's feet because he worked so hard to provide but I was on my feet too! When you married you became one in everything and that means the money he makes is as much yours, because if you don't keep him, he can't get out and work! Stop trying to earn it, he'll help if you let him, believe me they likes us home don't be fooled by society! You'll do just fine.
    Mikki707

    Answer by Mikki707 at 10:03 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • and your NOT alone! lots of women are in your shoes (or were) you need to talk to your hubby seriously and let him know, that you NEED his help NOW and that your body is still healing and you have a newborn that doesnt take breaks!

    and also, dont be afraid to let some stuff go (a little)...and dont criticize when he does stuff...it wont be YOUR way, but it will be done

    Good Luck and get some rest! LOL
    sweet-a-kins

    Answer by sweet-a-kins at 10:15 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • If he's used to you doing it, he might just not really think of it, and mentioning it once isn't gonna be enough. Maybe if you ask him to do something specific when you need it done, that might help. I'm sure he's not trying to leave it all to you, he's just in the habit and needs gentle reminders. If he knows what you need help with, and that you're not nagging, just overwhelmed, then he'll probably be glad to help.
    MommyLi288

    Answer by MommyLi288 at 10:56 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

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