Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

When is drinking a problem?

My daughters boyfriend has a few beers almost every night/day. I don't think he gets drunk every night, but most Fri and Sat nights he has had way too many. He is 21 so being legal isn't the issue. My family (and my daughter up to this point?) do not drink at all so I am not sure I am the best judge when it comes to this. I am worried he has a problem, but maybe most people that like beer and alcohol drink every day. So my question is does anyone think there is cause for concern about the bf's drinking?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Jul. 7, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (18)
  • It becomes a problem when it interferes with his daily life. Having a beer or 2 at nigh isn't a big deal, but getting drunk every night is. Or drinking in the morning, such as not being able to start your day without alcohol. My dad has a beer every night after work, but he never gets drunk.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 6:56 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • I was gonna say, when you run out- but I realized this isn't funny. :p Having a few after work is normal in my family. No one really has a problem. I'm sure since he's 21 he's sowing his oats. I know what we did at that age (actually was allowed to drink at 19 way back when!) Like most responsible people, he will get it out of his system & the getting wasted every weekend thing will get old quick. As long as he's not drinking & driving or becomes violent or dangerous, I wouldn't worry too much.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:56 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • Usually it becomes a problem when it affects him or those around him. If he drinks to the point of impairment then it is alcohol abuse. If he is drinking to relax and can stop when he has had enough he has control over it. If not then there is a problem.

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 6:57 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • I think there is but I think there is very little you can do about it other than mentioning it to your daughter. Good luck.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:58 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • I think he is young and just became legal drinking age and it is normal. I would only worry if he was driving after drinking or argumentative, or if he is drinking and not keeping up with responsibilities (school, work).

    txnmomof4

    Answer by txnmomof4 at 7:08 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • Well, that my situation when I met my first husband. I didn't drink, neither did my family. Anyway, needless to say, his drinking never subsided.

    My recommendation is this. It's his problem. If you feel it's an issue and/or your daughter feels it's an issue, then it is. If you don't like drinking, nor approve, don't expect him to stop. Instead, your daughter might want to consider finding a new relationship.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:20 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • I always told my daughter that every boy friend is a potential husband. So, anything that she doesn't like in him at this moment, she can expect to multiply at least tenfold should she decide to marry him. There are no guarantees that he will stop this behavior when he turns 25, say. And, if he likes to drink now and continues to like to get wasted on the week-ends, that's not gonna change when she has 3 kids with him. If he drinks and then drives and kills someone, and she's married to him, she can end up in a mess. I would therefore talk to her about the potential risks with a guy who drinks all the time. Since your family are non-drinkers, this presents a bigger challenge than if she had always been accustomed to dealing with drinkers. The odds against this being a successful match are pretty slim.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:20 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • Sorry, my keys are sticking...
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:20 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • Thanks NannyB... that's what I was trying to say!!!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

  • Well, it doesn't sound like a problem now. That doesn't mean it won't become a problem later. Being that he is 21 I lean towards he is taking advantage of his new found alcohol freedom. Myself and my husband as well as others I knew growing up... we all went through hat phase of life. It happens that none of us became alcoholics. We all kind of grew away from the constant drinking with in a few years. I would just keep a look out for signs it is becoming more than a few drinks a night and weekend fun. when it gets to where he HAS to drink to have a good time. When he stops socializing with others unless there is drinking involved. When it interferes with his work or relationships or if he begins to drink more and more instead of less and less. But also keep in mind that He also doesn't have to be an alcoholic to be an unsafe drinker... cont
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:33 PM on Jul. 7, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN