Am I overreacting? Roommate situation

Ok first thing is....I have a roommate and I gave him 1 key. Well his girlfriend has it and comes in at early hours and leaves late (shes not on the lease) I said something about it and he said its so she can come in and wake him up for work ect.

My thing is, is I dont feel she should have the key since shes not on the lease

My other thing is I chain the doors. Mostly for a little extra safety and also because my kids know how to unlock the doors and go outside so I keep it chained (their 2 and 4 and cant reach the chain and if they did its one you have to push in then lift the chain off) Well anyway the girlfriend comes in at an early time unlocks the door then takes the chain off and goes into his room and just leaves the door unlocked and unchained.

My thing is as I said up there I dont feel she needs the key. My other thing is I think it is just rude and disrespectful to undo someones chain and come in anyway.

Am I overreacting to these things? If I am is there anyway to approach this so there is a happy medium between me and the roommate?

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Asked by WildAngel86 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 9, 2012 in Relationships

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You're not overreacting. What has he said when you told him this? Tell him she either pays part of the rent since she comes and goes as she pleases or hands over the key.

Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:49 AM on Jul. 9, 2012
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Well, he lives there, too. So he does have a right to give her a key if he wants to. I think a better way to approach this would be to ask her to make sure she locks and chains the door when she comes in. Explain it's for your children's safety, and don't make it sound like you're being critical. Just kind of approach it like, "Hey, listen, you know, my kids have figured out how to unlock the door and it's driving me nuts having to run out after them when they open the door. That's why the chain is on. If you could just do me a favor and put the chain back on when you come in? I'd really appreciate it!"

If nothing changes, and he's on the lease, I'm afraid you're stuck. Not much you can do. You could try telling the landlord she has a key, but that could result in the landlord taking action against both of you, so that might not be such a good idea.

Answer by wendythewriter at 11:50 AM on Jul. 9, 2012
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I don't know what is appropriate for this situation but I would not be comfortable with this arrangement either.. best of luck!

Answer by gabrielle888 at 11:59 AM on Jul. 9, 2012
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I am confused how she can undo the chain from the outside. The chain is on the inside right? It seems then that your roommate would have to be leaving the door unchained at some point and then she is able to unlock the door.

I do not know how long he has been on your lease. I do not know your relationship. But I think I would ask to have a roommate meeting. I think I would go over the previously agreed on rules of the house. If these can not be adhered to then I would ask him to leave. The girl friend having a key is not unusual BTW. (or mother or sister) to wake him up in the morning is a rediculous excuse unless he means wake with sex. Tell him to get an alarm clock, tell him to have her ring his cell phone. Take the responsibility for waking him yourself, those are all options. He may still verywell leave her in at all hours.

Answer by Dardenella at 12:09 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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It is my house and he is on a lease for the bedroom......i said to him--does your gf have a key to here- he said yea she has mine--i said oh ok was wondering because it kinda scared me when i heard the backdoor chain being opened and u were in bed sleeping---he said i just had her take it after i unlocked the door so she would make sure i got up in time for work---- (texted while he was gone) but after he put that last thing i didnt say anything but thought it was kinda weird she had the key and needed to come over in the morning to wake him (an adult) up

Comment by WildAngel86 (original poster) at 12:17 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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yes the chain is on the inside!! she reaches her skinny arm through and around the door and opens it that way

Comment by WildAngel86 (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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What does the lease say about giving other people the key? Extended visitors, etc.
Remember, if you attempt to enforce the lease- and no you are not over reacting, you may need to find a new room mate.

I, personally would search for a new room mate for the safety of my kids...

Answer by feralxat at 12:19 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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She reaches her arm through and opens it? Awww, hell no!! You need to sit them both down and have a talk. Also, get someone to fix that chain. Nobody should be able to reach in and undo it, if it's installed properly. You are not over reacting, imo. You are a mother and you concerned for the safety of your kids.

Answer by texasgurl33 at 12:25 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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oh- btw- if she has his key, how does he lock up? and get back in if you're not there?
more safety issues

Answer by feralxat at 12:26 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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Why can't he just buy an alarm clock? You really don't want people wandering in and out of your home at all times of the day and night ... especially when you have children.

Answer by winterglow at 12:31 PM on Jul. 9, 2012
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