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Another question about disciplining someone else child....

Ok I posted a question a few days ago about my daughter's best friend. We've had trouble with her destroying things at our house, and my daughter can't play at her house because of the lack of discipline there and they play with dangerous things. Well tonight we had a superbowl party and this friend and her parents came over. The kids were all playing in my daughter's room. This girl decided to tell my daughter to put water in her play dishes and dump it on her toy kitchen. They filled up all of her dishes with water. They poured it onto her kitchen. Now the sounds from the burner no longer work. They also colored the little doors on it with a pen. The kitchen was her Christmas present and it cost me $170. I have taken away all her kitchen toys for now, but the mother did absolutely nothing to discipline the child even after I told her that the kitchen no longer worked in parts. I told the girls no playing with water, cont...

 
AprilDJC

Asked by AprilDJC at 1:49 AM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 20 (8,524 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • She sounds like she is better off with out this friend anyway. Tell her that if she can't behave when so and so is over then so and so can't come any more. Then next time remind her of the threat and follow through. Maybe she'll start standing up to her. She has to learn to stand up to her friends and not just do what they want when she knows it is against the rules. How will that behavior translate to the teen years?
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:19 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Then not 15 minutes later, the girls mom goes down to check in on them and comes out saying how the floor in the room is soaked because they had played with water again. They had dumped water all over the floor, soaking their clothes and anything that was on the floor at the time. Of course the mother just got the kids out of the room and I cleaned up the mess. I shut the door and told the girls they were no longer allowed to play in the room because of the messes, and they had to be supervised in the living room. But I heard this girl telling my daughter she isn't going to be her friend anymore if she doesn't do what she says, and she tells her to do all this stuff, then blames it on my daughter when it happens. She also refused to help clean the mess... I really don't care for the daughter to be over here anymore, but I don't want to break my daughter's heart by not letting her see her BF. What to do???
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:52 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • BTW I know my daughter isn't innocent in the messes, lol. She does her part! But I do not like the manipulating by the other little girl. I have been trying to teach my daughter that if her friend says this to her that she is not being nice and that she is not to listen to her, but she really doesn't wan to lose her friend.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:54 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Ummm. Wow. THey were being kids. Nothing new. I think it is odd that you have a toy kitchen that can't have water on it. (I am pretty old though and our daughters could....)
    I know that you are upset, but did they know that the water would be wrong? Your daughter was there too, how come she didn't say no? Teach her to say no even to her best friend. I went through that with my daughter. Her room was trashed and she would cry when her friends came over and trashed it. I asked her if she ever said no to them. She said she hadn't. Now she does.
    As far as the markers, that is an adults fault for leaving them out where they could be used incorrectly. Those need supervision.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 1:55 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I wouldnt let her over anymore...find your daughter a new friend to play with, or tell the girl she will not be allowed over if she doesnt stop. My sister did this also, but my DD was only a year so I know she didnt help lol, so I started to disipline her when her parents wouldnt...and let me tell you when she plays with my daughter that floor is SPOTLESS when she leaves. I dont even really have to tell her to do it any more. I stood above her at first and pointed out every single thing she did and MADE HER clean it...that tought her real quick not to mess up things I paid good money for
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:58 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Ok, we must have been posting at the same time. I apologize. I think maybe a new friend may be in order? Someone who your daughter feels comfortable telling "No, we aren't allowed to do that?"
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 2:00 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I wouldn't allow the other child over anymore, and then I would teach your child that she needs to say "no" when someone tries to convince/manipulate her into doing something that she knows she shouldn't do (and I'm sure that she knows not to play with water like that). We often think that our kids should "just know" how to handle situations, when really they don't. Like, for example, saying no. As adults, we know to say no when someone wants us to do something stupid/dangerous/whatever, and I think we forget that our children won't know to do that unless we specifically teach them. I went thru that with my oldest, thinking that just b/c I had told him certain things were wrong, that he would know to say no if someone tried to talk him into doing it. We had to have a little chat about saying no, more than one chat, in fact. But now he gets it and says no *most* of the time. They are kids, after all. lol
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:36 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Bottom line is YOU are the parent and get to decide who is appropriate for your daughter to be around when she is outside of the classroom environment. Children of parents that do not discipline are not welcome in my home. Sometimes children cannot make these decisions about who should be their best friend or not. That's what you are there for. It's important to teach her that she does not have to be friends with mean people. Better now than when she is a teenager.
    lanzmommy

    Answer by lanzmommy at 6:39 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Uhhhh...I'm saying maybe time for the friendship to be over cause they do pick up things from their friends.
    T-Howe

    Answer by T-Howe at 1:41 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

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