Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

How do I tell my mom I hate her boyfriend?

My mm had an affair 2 years ago and she left my dad for this loser guy. They live together now and seem somewhat happy. I am now pregnant and do not want her boyfriend anywhere near my baby when it is born. He has never tried to say anything to me since the affair went public and he was always a jerk to me beforehand. Not to mention he betrayed my dad who thought he was his best friend. I love my mom and wish she could be with any other man. I do not know how to tell her that I do not want my baby to ever be at her house now or around her boyfriend. I feel bad and guilty I feel this way but I can't help it.

Answer Question
 
Ericanicole1

Asked by Ericanicole1 at 10:19 PM on Jul. 9, 2012 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Show her this post
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 10:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • Just tell her the same way you wrote it here. Maybe it would be easier if you sat down and wrote her a note. That way you can choose your words more carefully and you can keep your emotions out of it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:48 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • First off, you can't blame the guy for everything. Your moms just as guilty about the affair as she is, she also betrayed your dad. My mom is also in a relationship with a man that I am not fond of. My dad died almost 19 years ago, so there was no hard feelings before. He is just not a nice guy. He always seems like he is up to something, can never account for money, is always having his work schedule change ( coming home very late) I have sat my mom down and explained to her why I don't like him, but I know that she is a grown woman and can make her own choices. I wouldn't even ask my mom to leave someone for her grown daughter. ( I am 25 married and have my own family) She wouldn't ever ask me to leave my husband just because she doesn't like him. If you don't like the guy, let your mom know, and leave it at that.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:53 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • Count the cost before you tell your mom anythihng. I could understand you not wanting your baby around your mom's boyfriend if he happened to be a child abuser or a sex offender. But if you decide not to let your baby near the man because you hate him for betraying your dad and having an affair with your mom, then you risk harming your relationship with your mom and your baby's relationship with his or her grandma. When people are faced with ultimatums, they don't always choose the way the givers of the ultimatums want or expect them to. Who your mom loves and lives with his her choice, not yours.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:01 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • If I just accept this guy for who he is and allow him to be in my life I will be very uncomfortable and I am not sure how I will be able to handle this. I can not find a way to accept her boyfriend.
    Ericanicole1

    Comment by Ericanicole1 (original poster) at 11:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • You don't have to accept him, you just have to tolerate him for your moms sake.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 11:11 PM on Jul. 9, 2012

  • I agree with babybug. Your mom is as much/ if not more to blame.
    Acceptance is easy - You quit fighting it. Nothing will change the facts as they are now. You can change the way you "feel" by changing your thinking.
    My daughter had an adjustment to my boyfriend at 1st. They are closer than any biological father/daughter that I know. They have a great and special relationship.
    Sometimes we have to step out of our "comfort zone".
    You can "help" it. You have to believe in your mom and quit trying to justify and manipulate your misplaced anger.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 12:39 AM on Jul. 10, 2012

  • You blame the guy? Your mother made the choice to be unfaithful in her marriage. She chose to be with her boyfriend.
    You can choose who will be in your baby's life. How old are you?
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:34 AM on Jul. 10, 2012

  • Her boyfriend may have known she was married, but your mother is the one who broke her vows. Why are you not angry at her? She betrayed your father, too, and much more so than her boyfriend, in my opinion.

    As far as not wanting your baby around him, it's your choice who sees, holds, plays with, etc., your baby. But you also need to consider that by saying he can't be around your baby, you limit your mom being around your baby. You'll be restricting the relationship that can develop between your child and its grandmother. How will you explain to the baby as he/she begins getting older, the lack of relationship? "Sorry, sweetie, but Grandma is with the guy she cheated on Grandpa with and I hate him for it, so you don't get to see Grandma much"? Your child won't understand, or care. Just out of curiosity - where's your dad's feelings in all this? Has he moved on? Is he still angry at your mother?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:42 AM on Jul. 10, 2012

  • 2 years have passed. Guessing your Dad has moved on and it is time for you to do the same. Your mom chose to do what she did, and yes it was hard for your family, but it was obviously something she needed/wanted to do for herself. Too often we expect that our parents only act in our best interest and not follow their own heart/dreams/etc... Forgive your mom and don't let this hamper the relationship you can still have with her.
    macbudsmom

    Answer by macbudsmom at 9:58 AM on Jul. 10, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.