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Has anyone else ever felt like this?

I feel like no matter what i do or say i can't make my husband happy. under any other cercumstances i would say it's the stress of having a new baby in the house. having 2 kids under 3 ...but this has been going on for awhile now..I don't even look forward to him geting off work ne more. He is pessimistic about everything. I just dont know what to do any more. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is the 4th! I just want him to be happy! And before ne one says something there's no one on the side...my husband is not a cheater....he's just a pain in the ass!! but if you've dealt with this what did you do to fix it?

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AustinsMommy306

Asked by AustinsMommy306 at 3:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (182 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • BTDT with my hubby. What I did was stop worrying about making him happy. We have been married for 16 years now. About 4 years ago I asked him if I ever did anything at all that made him happy. He looked at me startled and said "what do you mean? I come home don't I?" We discussed it further. He really meant it. He thought that his coming home meant that he was really happy at home and it was supposed to be a clear signal to me. As I have gotten older I have learned to be very specific about what I want from him as far as communication. If I want a hug, I ask for one. If I want to know something I ask him. OH and another thing I didn't understand was in his mind his thoughts were private. con't
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:24 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • And when I would ask him, "what are you thinking about" to him it was like invading his space or intruding. He didn't mind talking to me, but he did mind me having to know everything.
    I also learned I can't always make him happy. That was and is hard for me. Well, I hope some of this helps.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:26 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • not a cheater...just a pain in the ass...LOL! Obviously you are the one with the sense of humor...

    Try acting EXACTLY like he does for a few days. Don't let on that you are doing it...just do it. Trust me...just try it.
    FlyMom07

    Answer by FlyMom07 at 3:27 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Truth maybe that you can't make him be happy. Marriage is a partnership but it's up to him to discover what it is thats the problem if there is one. Being a wife doesnt mean you can fix everything or do everything for him. It might be something outside the home thats bothering him.

    Make sure he knows you've got a lot going for you as a couple and a family. Can you do something special for the anniversary he'd enjoy?
    jackdaw

    Answer by jackdaw at 5:02 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • You are responsible for your own happiness, and no one else's. So long as you are not intentionally doing things to upset him, then there is nothing you can do. My best advice is to be happy, do things that make you happy, and let him know that he is ALWAYS welcome to join you and your babies in your happiness. Misery loves company, but don't let him bring you down. There is always the possibility that he is simply one of those people who is happiest when they are miserable. I speak from experience. I love my husband, but I eventually had to stop sacrificing all of my sanity on the impossible job of bending backwards to try to make him smile. Since I quit doing that he does seem a bit happier having a happy family and me not playing the emotion police.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 7:03 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Don't act just like him. Thats so childish and a very good way to ruin your marriage. I would stop trying to appease him. He has got to come to terms with his environment on his own and you can't make him happy. He has to find it for himself. Do you best to be the wife you know you can be and after that, its on him. Its difficult because while hes figuring this all out, you are on the receiving end and its no fun for sure. Let him know that you are willing to help of course, but hes got to get it together. Its likely that hes feeling stress of providing for the family and the added stress of children, but its not going to get easier. Suggest he find a hobby or something he can do just for himself or plan a date night and definitely plan something for your anniv. Make it special and reiterate to him that your happy and you want him to be, but he has to choose it for himself. You wanting it for him is not enough. Best wishes.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:59 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I totally feel for you. Thought I was reading my own Q when reading yours. I just stopped worrying about making him happy or including him in what the rest of us are doing. He never used to be this bad and once we had our second child he got worse. When the third came along I thought all hope was lost. Our oldest is 4 and he and DH argue all the time like a couple of 4 yr olds! We recently talked about seperating because we had started marriage counselling and things were fine for a while and then slipped back to how they used to be. Just the other day I told him we should try a month or so seperation and see where we should go from there. Not at all what I want for myself or family but told him that it wasen't fair for us all to have to deal with his grumpyness. Things have started to mend and we agree that we have a lot of work to do. His mood around the house is changing.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 9:37 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Is there anyway you can get a sitter for the night, and take him out? Sometimes men get stressed from work, etc, and just pms, (I swear they whine worse than women do sometimes, lol). But just give him a nice night out, be supportive the whole day, and if he acts like a jerk ignore it and find another way to make him happy, do this for a day, and maybe he will see you are at least trying to give him a good time.. if he's still a jerk the next day (its a 50/50 shot), then just give it back to him.. but half the time, the guy gets over it once he sees how much you are trying to make his day, and how much you love it, other times, the guys a jerk, and you need to be a jerk back before he realizes how he is acting.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:15 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

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