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Answers / Parenting / Teens (13-17)

How would you handle this???

My neighbors came over lastnight and said that we need to talk about my son and their daughter. First off let me just say my son is 13, makes good grades, on the football team, and has NEVER been a behavioral problem. He is very shy and reserved. Anyhoo, they grilled my son about that their daughter told them the other day that he grabbed her pony tail and slammed her to the ground and tackeled her while they were playing ball in my yard. Her husband even went as far as threatening to tackel my son. I asked him what happen in front of them and he said he didn't do that. I did make him apologize and I did as well, because I was not outside when it happen. They were very upset, which I understand how they felt....but I called around to some other parents and neighborhood kids and they all swear that my son did not do anything of the sort. Now how do I handle this? I feel so bad my son got grilled for this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • What does your son say? Did he say he didnt do it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • He said he didnt do it. That what happen was he was running to catch the ball and she was standing there and he bumped into her, and she fell down and he had to leap over her. He said that he helped her up and she was running around and thought she was ok. All of the other parents and kids I have talked to tell me the same story.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • You should have investagated before you made your son apologize for it. Now he thinks, you think he did it.


    But now that you know he didn't do it.  I would go back to the parents of the girl and tell them, they should have investigated this before they accussed your son of the act. Tell them what you found out, and tell them they need to apologize to you, and your son. There daughter needs to too.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:56 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I would have kicked them out of my home if they were grilling my son and threatening to tackle him as well. Thats uncalled for. I had a girls dad call my house and tell me my son made his dd cry and that he was going to come and kick my sons ass. He told my son he was going to come and beat him down before I got on the phone. I told the guy if he ever called my house again and threatened my son or I saw him or his dd around my son I would call the cops. That ended the problem.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:57 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I think you did great having your son apologize that they thought he did it to their daughter and that you did too. From now on don't trust that daughter alone with your son. Ask the guidance counsellor at school or separately, better yet, a few of his teachers how his behavior is at school with friends - oh just say that you're aware that he's so honorable with his academic committments and sports that you want to know that he's as relaxed and successful socially in school as in her academic home studies. If the daughter and your son have classes or lunch together you can zero in on those school times. Good Luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I am going to have a talk with him about it. But in the future I realize I need to stand up for my son and not let people assume they know him better than I do. I told him after he was not in trouble and that I was sorry they got on to him and to just stay away from their daughter. She is a liar who likes to cause trouble obviously and unitl she admits the truth he will not be friends with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Thanks Anon 958, he is the same way at school. All of his teacher praise how polite he is and how quite he is. He has always been that way. Thank goodness she is in 6 th grade and he is 7th so they don't have classes together. If they did she might come back and say he ate her homework lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • louise2 has a point. Sometimes though being grown up, altlhough your son is not a grown up by age, is about calming a situation and taking responsibility acknowledging being somewhere with another person doing some thing whatever it is such that the other person could possibly have perceived being wronged. Observe the two together when they're alone ever again or with others with your own eyes and ears if possible. You should feel proud that you and your son acknowledged that he could have, in the other families eyes, made her feel injured. You can always someday for whatever reason go back and talk more with them more calmly because you helped defuse a nasty situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I think its great you took the humble and apologetic approach even though he didn't do it. The parents were probably expecting a fight and defensiveness and were probably caught off guard and looking like fools when you stayed calm and apologized for anything that might have happened. Thats not really an admission of guilt, but more a willingness to work out what MIGHT have happened. Good job for being the adult in the situation. Sounds like you have a great kid!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:42 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Here's my take on it: What they "thought" your son did could be considered assault. I'm no legal expert, but I'm thinking by apologizing, he could have made it easier for them to press assault charges against him, had they chosen to. My sons are still too young to deal with anything like this, but your question made me think of what I would do if this happens when they are old enough. I think I would explain to them that I'd like to talk to their daughter and hear her version of what happened, and I'd like to talk to some other people who were there. By doing that, you would have heard all the witnesses who said he didn't do what they claimed. At that point, I would have told my son to apologize for bumping her and leaping over her, but that what he did was not wrong. I would have told her parents they need to check the facts before they accuse people of things and that if they treaten my kid again, I will call the cops.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:53 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

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