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Newlyweds and no intimacy....? I need honest advice..

I lived with my husband for 5 years before we got married. We've been married for about 7 months now. He used to have a problem with porn, which I ended or else we wouldn't get married, and I wouldn't be with him. I hated that stuff bc he chose that over me. I thought with it gone we'd have sex more often. (more than 2x a month) Nothings changed. Since we've been married sometimes we'll be intimate on Saturday. If I'm lucky. I can't take it. I am really frustrated. He won't let me discuss it with him. He gets real irritated with me, and says that brining it up makes it worse. I cry at night when I go to bed sometimes, it just makes me sad. I am attractive and in good shape. I've been going to the gym, and trying to lose weight, that I probably don't even need to lose. We don't fight - we have a really strong relationship otherwise. Am I asking too much, to want to have sex with my husband a few times a wk?Its like work 4 him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • IMO. You should bring it up. Talk to him about it. It might not help the situation to him. But it will help you understand what's going on with his sex drive, or lack of. So you can make an educated decision, on if you want to stay with this guy who doesn't want to have sex with you or, leave the relationship and find a guy who want's all of you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:56 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • It sounds like hubby is have problems in that department, especially since he seems sensitive about the subject. I wouldn't bring the subject up to him, because he's probably embaressed and ashamed of the problem he is having, and as you said, it only makes it worse on him. Instead I think it's time to get creative. Try dressing up, in front of a camera and make a video for him of you, or try making breakfast for him in the nude one day... there are lots of ways to suggest how you want sex, without pressuring him into it. Confidence is also key. PM me if you want some more ideas.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:59 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • it's me, anonymous, i'd like to add that i have SO much lingerie, and i do wear it. it does nothing. maybe i don't know what to do in it. as a wedding gift for him - i had a professional photo shoot - very sexy, and made a book for him. he looked at it - and was impressed when i gave it to him, but hes never looked at it since. he doesn't have a problem performing, i know he does it alone. so its not a medical issue for him to be ashamed of. i think he has no desire for me. he does tell me i'm beautiful though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • There is definitely a problem if he won't he even talk about it. The lingerie/sexy dressing doesn't do it for all guys. My hubby thinks i look sexier in a t shirt and shorts than any outfit I have tried. It sounds like he is either cheating or has some kind of guilt that is keeping him down.
    JustAMom2008

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 11:58 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Okay, it's obvious. There's no medical problem, There's nothing wrong with you.
    Basically the man has watched porn so much it's what he desires now. He prefers the fantasy, not the real sex.
    It's a selfish problem.
    You knew he was like that so IMO you should have waited to see how it went, but hey, we all make mistakes like that. I really don't know what to tell you. If you believe in God pray diligently for your H to be delivered from this problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Sounds like he's in love with you but not in lust with you. If he didn't love you he wouldn't have stopped something that was so enjoyable for him. But giving him that ultimatum wasn't the best idea. He may regret his decision.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Do you think he might be in the closet(gay).  Some guys are a shamed of it.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:22 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I would bet most, if not all, married guys who are gay are ashamed of it.
    JustAMom2008

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 3:19 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • What kind of porn did he have a problem with? Was it run-of-the-mill stuff or slightly more "out there"? Maybe he has some desires that he would like to engage with you in, but because of the way you reacted to his porn, he feels ashamed of what he likes sexually. I'm sure he thinks you're beautiful (after all, he tells you so) but maybe hes afraid you are going to think hes "sick" if he lets you know what turns him on. Or just the fact that he had to get rid of his porn in the first place? Did he have a real addiction or was it just that you didn't like it? (no bashing here, just don't know the whole situation and some women are offended by the most normal of porn)
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 6:21 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

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