Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you handle insensitive questions?

To give a little history, my mom had undiagnosed infertily and my oldest sister was adopted at birth. Shortly after my sister's birth my mom became pregnant with me and then later my younger sister.



I was recently at a family function and my aunt (with whom I'm not very close) approached me to talk about hubby and my plans to adopt. Her comment to me was "We're excited to hear about your plans - and hope that, just like your mom, you'll be able to have a child of your own after you adopt."



I'm not usually one who is at a loss for words, but I was dumbfounded. Reactions or suggestions of how to handle this?

 
muptgirl

Asked by muptgirl at 12:14 PM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I asked this same question the other night after someone really ticked my off by saying to me, " Well you couldn't love your adopted son as much as I love my biological daughter because adopted and biological love isn't the same." What made matters worse is the lady who said this was adopted herself so for a moment I actually thought in my head, "Well maybe she knows something I don't?" ARGH! And then I slapped her and walked away! (No, I'm just kidding! I did not slap her but I wanted too!) What I did instead was join cafemom and told some of these awesome ladies on here what happened and they gave me good advice and a good dose of reality about people who are like that. As far as your Aunt goes, she probably meant it well but we also must learn to train our loved ones, in a thoughtful way, what is acceptable to say and what is not acceptable to say when it comes to our children! I'm still learning.
    imtheluckyone

    Answer by imtheluckyone at 12:12 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Oh my gosh lol........I bet your aunt was actually well meaning with her thoughtless words. Honestly I think I would just shake my head and walk away.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:16 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Just tell her if you are blessed enough you may be lucky like your mom and have a child of your own if not you will be just as happy with an adopted child. I don't know why people say such silly things to other people. Just make sure she know no matter what happens you will be happy.
    ldsdragonmom

    Answer by ldsdragonmom at 12:17 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • And I think it was the "child of your own" comment that my aunt made that bothered me the most. Any children I have, regardless of how they get to me, will be my "own" child. Is my expectation for people to understand this too high?
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 12:25 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I feel your pain. I had someone ask me whose child I was watching the other day (we're obviously not the same race) and I said "He's mine!". She said "Oh, so he's adopted" but in a really sarcastic way, like that made him less my son. He's my child, period and with no qualifications. Makes me crazy too.
    adoptionsc

    Answer by adoptionsc at 12:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I've had people wish me the best of luck on "having a child of my own" right in front of my two perfectly wonderful adopted children. I've been told "Oh just wait, you'll get pregnant now that you've adopted because that's how it goes." I just tell people that if that happens I'll try to love the new child just as much I love Brynn and Noel.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 3:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • It is so astonishing that folks just talk, and have no clue what they are saying!!!! Adoption education is SOOOO needed in this country; in our schools, medical professionals, AND the general public.
    mommyheymommy

    Answer by mommyheymommy at 10:11 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I always try to have fun with them. Example: My daughter is adopted and we are now in the process of adopting her children (long story). When people ask about them in the store we'll say something like "Yes they are our grandchildren. I think they have my eyes, nose, etc." When people agree we get a chuckle to ourselves knowing that there's no "blood" relationship at all.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:12 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • One has to consider the source, if this is who they have always been, I as, politely, as I can, thank them for their opinion, even though I did NOT ASK! I just do not allow myself to be around thiese people. Uncle Larry, at a funeral back in Dec. came up to me and informed me I was looking PLUMP. The last time I saw uncle larry I weighed 108lbs.,20 YRS AGO, I am now 142lbs., I said "GOD BLESS YOU UNCLE LARRY...THIS IS THE REASON YOU'RE STILL SINGLE"! Oh how I do love Uncle Larry...C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 1:12 PM on Feb. 6, 2009