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Did I do the right thing? Don't know were else to post?

On Christmas my inlaws and I kinda got into a BIG TIFF. The quick run down is:The baby had fallen (no more than 3-6 inches & she was 11 months old not a big deal) & I & the sil had gone to pick her up. The sil had gotten then literally an arms length quicker than I did & then wouldn't let me comfort MY BABY. I was upset with this so I stepped outside to calm my nerves (this kinda thing happens every time I go over there). I came back in & told my SO that it was just time to leave & we had been there longer than we expected anyway. I was getting our oldest dressed to leave & was told basically I'm a bad mom among other things. In this they told me I was not welcome over any more. Well Saturday was the babies 1st birthday and my SO was depressed that I did not invite his family (the ones that told me I was not welcome) to her bday party. His family told basically told him off and how their feelings were hurt by this.

 
watersgirls

Asked by watersgirls at 1:22 PM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 7 (198 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • I wouldn't write an apology that's for sure. If someone wouldn't let me comfort my child when they fell I would go berserk on them. Especially if they were trying to make me feel like a bad mom. I don't know you or how you parent, but I wouldn't stand for anyone treating me that way and your SO should stand up for you too. You posted another question earlier about his sister trying to hook him up with other girls. If they respected your family as whole they wouldn't do that. You need to let him know that he has to protect his family. You and your kids need to come before his extended family. You shouldn't be left to fight this battle alone.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:31 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Write a kind apology to them. Explain that you did not want to offend them by inviting them because you thought they were angry with you. Offer to do a low key birthday dinner that they can be a part of. Be NICE to you sil. If they give you this kind of trouble again, have your husband deal with it with them. He needs to be the one to stand up to them over this kind of trouble.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 1:25 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • No you were right. They need to apologize to you and say they were wrong before you include them. If they dont want you at their home common sense says they wouldnt WANT to come to your house either. You will 100% in the right on this and if you SO has an issue then he needs to take it up with them, not you. They did it to themselves.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:26 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Hmm, I defiantely understand your side of this. I wouldn't want to be around them, either. And your SO should stand beside YOU on this. However, if they truly love your child and they take good care of her, they should be able to celebrate this event with her, too. My suggestion would be to offer to let them throw her their own bday party. That way they ccna enjoy it and you won't be stressed about them being there for the party you're having.
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 1:28 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Um the only thing you did "wrong" was go outside to calm your nerves and let them get their way by holding and comforting your child and most likely talking crap about you while they did it. Everytime my daughter looks like she could get hurt or falls or whatever and I head for her, my mil will try to be right beside me or get there first or whatever she's doing, but I think she has gotten to her once and I just take her right from her. I most certainly would have took your baby right out of their arms. No way in hell would anyway, "not let me" have my child. I wouldnt care if your so was/is mad. you should be mad at him for not standing up for you.
    asholan_07

    Answer by asholan_07 at 1:29 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Well I would have to tell you that I agree with you decision. Did he ever stick up for you at their house when they called you a bad mother. Children fall all the time. My baby is 7 months old and just this morning he fell off the couch. It's not because I wasn't paying attention or whatever. This kind of thing happens with children all the time. Don't let that get you down. I've been in the situation where one of my children was crying and hurt and I felt like they didn't want me there to comfort my child but I moved in anyways and asked my child if they wanted mommy. I don't know just something that I do. But I agree with your decision completely not to invited them. He should agree with you also. They owe you an apology for calling you a bad parent.
    ashleenek3

    Answer by ashleenek3 at 1:29 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Well, that sort of thing goes both ways. They're insane to think they'd be welcome at your home if you're not welcome at theirs.

    And you're a bad mom why?? Because you LET the baby fall 6 inches?? If your SIL was as close to her as you (if not closer since she got to her first), why didn't SHE stop the baby from falling?

    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • If somebody told me I was not welcome at their home I sure as hell would not be inviting them to my home! If they were so worried about being invited to your baby's birthday they should have called you and apologized for what happened and what was said on Christmas.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 1:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Ok to answer everyone no the SO did not stand up for me he always just tells them he doesn't want to talk about it. Never am I invited to ANY family functions. They have pretty much always treated me this way but that was the first time they outwardly yelled at me about it. The SO has supposedly told them b4 this that they need to treat me and my family better. They treated me and my family this way since we graduated and were invited over to his house with my grandparents and everyone. This is the same sil that also is giving a girl at her work my SO's personal cell phone number and telling this girl it's ok to tell him things like "you are hott why are you with that girl?" We've been together 5 1/2 years have 2 kids together and his family has always treated me this way.
    watersgirls

    Answer by watersgirls at 1:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • In families sometimes we have to bite our tongues and go far beyond what we feel we have to in order to keep the peace. Your SO's family are a part of him and of your baby. So you must make peace. That his sister wanted to comfort that baby- let her do it, after all you have the baby all day and night, so let the sister have a maternal moment. About the birthday, it is completely understandable that you didn't invite them. Nevertheless it might have been best to take the higher road and to have included them. So now not a letter, but going over there and talking face to face, looking very sad and apologetic, tell them that you are sorry. You can explain that you understood that they didn't want anything to do with you, and that you are terribly sorry... and so forth. Make peace with his family, because they are part your SO and child. You are the better person, so take the lead.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:40 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

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