Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Step daughter asking a lot

my 30 year old step daughter (my husbands daughter) Who he never has had a relationship with due to her mother saying horrible things to my step daughter about her father. My husband has always tried to have a relationship with his daughter he would call her, send her cards, and gifts in the mail. But no my step daughter did not want the relationship.

Now that she is getting married soon she has called her dad out of the blue asking for him to pay half of the wedding. She made it clear that her step dad will be walking her down the aisle and that her dad and I will just be guests at the wedding. She already told him husband she doesn't want any type of relationship with him just money for the wedding since she feels its his obligation.

My husband politely declined and said he would like to attend the wedding though. Did he handle this the right way?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jul. 17, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (21)
  • Yes he did handle it well. Good for him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • I probably wouldn't even want to attend the wedding if she was clear that all they want from him is money.

    Answer by AF4life at 5:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • In my opinion yes

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:50 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • Absolutely he did the right thing! Good on him. :)

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:52 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • I think he handled it just fine. If he doesn't get an invite, I hope he won't be too upset. If he doesn't, then plan a fun week-end for the two of you and be out of town on her wedding day.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:52 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • He absolutely handled it right. There is not contract that says your father has to pay for any part of your wedding. It is tradition that the brides family foots the bill, but times have changed and daughters are fortunate who have families that can afford that - but it is not an obligation.
    By the way, there is also nothing anywhere that says the new couple has to have a wedding. It is just as legal to have it in a courthouse as it is to spend 100grand. If she chooses to have an extravagant wedding (or a wedding that costs any amount of money), she is fortunate to get help from her mom and step-dad, but your husband (her father) is in no way obliged to provide her with this event.

    His obligation was to see that she was provided for in her up-bringing. Now that she is an adult, there is no obligation at all - only gifts. He fulfilled his paternal obligation. Job well done.

    Answer by daylily888 at 5:57 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • daylily- My husband paid beyond what he was supposed to pay in child support he made sure his daughter was well cared for. He would have had no problem pitching in money wise for the wedding if he was playing the father of the bride role in the wedding but her step dad is, so I think maybe he should pay for the wedding.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:00 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • that's so sad :( but to answer, yes he did the right thing

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 6:08 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • I agree with his decision.

    Answer by daylily888 at 6:08 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

  • Idk , getting married might produce grandchildren, and perhaps he could talk to her about repairing the realationship.

    Answer by kimigogo at 6:11 PM on Jul. 17, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.