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I want another baby and he doesn't...how do we resolve this?

We have a 2 1/2 year old now. I want to have one more and we have talked about it. He is always going back and forth on whether he wants to or not. I really don't like argueing about it. He tells me he feels pressured when we talk about it to make a decision. He says he needs more time to think about it. But we have been talking about it for a while now. I just don't think it's fair for him to leave me on the fence. We have been together for 4 years, and I am happy and couldn't see myself with anyone else. I hope this makes sense! Any ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Just try to sit down with him and ask what goals and things he wants in place before trying again. Make a list and when you hit the agreed upon time just start trying to get pregnant.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I think you need to give him a little time were you don't talk about, If it is something that you have been talking about for a while and you are arguing about it then you need to stop talking about it for now. It sounds like you are not going to be able to change his mind right now so let it go.

    I understand this might be hard to do. Try going back to dating and spending time together with each other and the child you have. Then start asking in about 6 months. If you don't want to wait that long then try 2 months.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • The no wins. Ease up on him about it and give him time.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • The reluctance to have more must be honored. If you feel that your life would not be satisfied without another child, then you may have to consider another path than with him. Since he would have to help pay for another child for many years, it is only fair to him to not have another at this time, if this is what he wishes. If down the road he decides in favor of it, then it will be time. You should probably stop bringing it up since it only makes him uncomfortable, and you don't want to do that.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Why doesn't he want another baby?
    erlsk

    Answer by erlsk at 6:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I am going through school right now and I work only part time. He is the one who takes care of most of the bills. When I get out of school and into a career it will obviously lighten the load on him. We live comfortably right now, and no doubt could afford another child. But naturally he worries about the expenses of another baby. He says that he doesn't want to have to change anymore diapers, or get up to a crying baby, or clean up spit up. But he also says it would be nice for our son to have a brother or sister. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not completely clear to me why he doesn't want another one....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • You should not be pushing him about another child, especially if you aren't married.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:10 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Marriage has nothing to do with it. Commitment is commitment, with or without a ring and paper.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Sometimes these things are best discussed before marriage but since that is water under the bridge I suggest you stop trying to talk about it since he is not ready to discuss it. Try again next year. Maybe he wants to provide for you and the one you have now adequately and feel financially sound before having more. Maybe he wants to enjoy life before being tied down with too many in the family. Maybe he wants to take vacations and enjoy you and your child without saving for more dr bills and hospital bills. Just enjoy being a family for now. Bring it up once a year until he's ready to say definitely yes or absolutely not.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • i agree with nannyb i think your asking to much from this guy especially if he can't marry you. that is true commitment not half half commitment and it's not just a piece of paper. that is what a guy says when he won't marry you. being married entitles you to his assets etc. it's the better option if your planning on making babies with someone. if he leaves he leaves you with nothing and has every right too. if he doesn't want a baby don't pressure him. he might just leave you.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:00 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

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