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7 Bumps

Just a vent - metaphorical question (long because it's me)

My ex husband is not a great person.

When we were together he was abusive, neglectful, he cheated, he stole from the police department where he was a cop. Regularly. I've got scars where he burned me with cigarettes and he broke my nose twice.

He left me and the girls, out of the blue, with no money, no insurance, no food and a ton of bills. Literally, I was gone for the day, picked up the kids and went home and it had been cleaned out.

He was sued THREE times for excessive force and the city paid out hundred of THOUSANDS of dollars on his behalf. He was then put on vice detail where he spent his time beating up hookers. Finally, they moved him to tech crimes so he'd quit beating people up, I suppose.

He's NEVER been a loving father to his girls and he's never felt an ounce of regret about what he's done. As a matter of fact, to this day he blames ME for his actions. 20+ years on.

When he retired, I felt a small bit of relief for the people of his city. He moved to another state. To retire.

Just got word he was hired as the police chief in one of that states smaller towns.

Why on EARTH would anyone hire him with that record?

And, embarrassingly, I'm angry that someone like him can get a cush job like that, with his background, while I struggle with being under employed.

I don't know. I don't ever think about him unless he's verbally bashing one of his kids yet again but this absolutely pisses me off

I've already been through therapy. Writing this out is all the therapy I need. Thanks for listening to me :)


Asked by BrawnwynII at 5:31 PM on Jul. 18, 2012 in Relationships

Level 39 (109,171 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (34)
  •'d be cramped.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:59 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • Why on EARTH would anyone hire him with that record?
    The same reason doctors with horrible records are allowed new positions in new hospitals/ towns.

    I would guess, due to confidentiality rulings based on threat of legal action, the new town does not know the extent of his employment history.

    Sadly the old line of, "Only the good die young", comes to mind. For some bizarre reason bad people often thrive while good people continue to get shat upon.

    BTW- if he's in the inter mountain northwest, want me to egg his car?

    Answer by feralxat at 5:36 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • Because for some bizarre ass reason, assholes advance while nice guys finish last. No, it's not fair. But, it seems to be the twisted way of the world.

    Answer by 3libras at 5:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • Brawny it is not fair! ne day hopefully he will be a lonely old man with no one to care for him.

    Answer by DJDNY at 5:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • can i just say one thing? i love that you always add the ''long because it's me'' disclaimer to your posts. lol.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:18 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • Sorry about that. My ex is similar to yours only he was a drunk on top of it. Everything seemed to work for him after we broke up. But, I realized that I wasn't living in his skin and had no idea what his life was really like. Something inside was very broken and unhappy for him to beat me and leave me for days without a car and a baby. I have a great deal of pity for him now that his second wife left him and he's still drinking and very bitter. He's got a great job and lots of toys but I am not haunted by the things he is. Children who won't speak to him, a record a mile long with DUI's, a second wife who left him for another woman, all things that must be beating him down.
    I hope you are able to come to some peace with this. Life sucks sometimes, but at least you aren't him.

    Answer by adnilm at 5:45 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • no. you're not done. you're not dead, are ya?
    i can't tell you how to, but you have to let it go. you can't cause his life to be s***, anymore than you can change the past. you can control what you do, feel, want, and desire...and get. you just have to decide..''do i want to spend the last half of my life continuing this self-destructive behavior, or do i want to enjoy it? and if i want to enjoy my last half of life, i choose to enjoy it with the person i want..not the memories of the person who broke me.'' he might've broke you, but you picked up the pieces. you are not broken any longer. stop giving him space in your spirit.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:06 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • You have something he will never have... the total love & respect of your children! And you can't put a price on that! Just know that people like him deserve a special place in hell & that even tho it seems to be taking a while, karma WILL get him! *Hugs*

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:30 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • Brawny, that sucks...on an up side I am almost certain that is where MoMmission is....I am sure she would dish out some karma for you!

    Answer by AF4life at 6:38 PM on Jul. 18, 2012

  • there...

    i found his car, and egged the crap out of it

    this is his - right?


    Answer by fiatpax at 6:48 PM on Jul. 18, 2012