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How do I respond to 17 y.o. step-son breaking up with the mother of his child?

I want to kick his f*cked-up ass, is what I want to do. This kid is going nowhere fast, and his one redeeming quality is that he's been really excited to be a dad, and has been really supportive of his baby's mother.

But seriously... I'm thinking... no girls allowed. Not in MY house. After all, he' s already made one baby. We have been very lenient - when mom and baby visit, we even allowed them to share his bedroom (basically so he'd have to get up with baby and give mom a break). I've gotten to know this girl WELL over the past 4 months, and I love her to pieces. They both refused a paternity test, but I think it's time to revisit that issue.

It's not going to be like that with random girls. OMG, this kid is sooooo STUPID. It makes me nuts.

Any advice? I know I can't control his love life, but there' s some responsibility issues here... and mom and baby live 3 hours away, btw.

~De

Answer Question
 
devante9901

Asked by devante9901 at 10:57 PM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I don't get this question...

    Does the babys mother want to live there or are her and your step son breaking up?
    etiheidas

    Answer by etiheidas at 11:15 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Last month they were making plans for her to move in here, but tonight he broke up with her.
    devante9901

    Answer by devante9901 at 11:30 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • It happens, move on. Just because they have a baby together doesn't mean they have to stay together forever. They should have never HAD a baby together, they are too young to make permanent plans for their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • as long as you stay a part of the baby's life its okay
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 12:05 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • If it were me, I'd sit him down & have a long talk with him. Explain to him about commitment & rocky roads & all the normal 'lows' of relationships. Remind him of all he'll miss out on & all his child will miss out on w/o him in the picture.

    If he still wants to be split from her --- and I'm not saying they should be together or not, there are 2 sides to everything & maybe they're better off apart, who knows ---- I'd make it clear how important it is for he & mom to remain friends & in good standing with one another....that his child IS and WILL REMAIN his responsibility and that he will only be welcome to live at home with you as long as he's taking on that responsibility to the best of his ability. He slacks, he packs up.

    But that's just me.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:08 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • He's 17, he made the decision to have a baby. It's okay that they are breaking up, it happens. What you need to make sure he does is that he is providing for his child and is keeping a good relationship with him/her.
    heatherann0221

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 1:34 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • shoot adults break up all the time too or else our divorce rates wouldn't be as high as they are. All you can really do is stress that he needs to continue to take care of his child and stress that being in that baby's life is the upmost important thing he can do.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 8:56 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • If paternity is at all a question that should be dealt with first and then if the baby is his he needs to step up and get child support and visitation in order. Even if they are getting along right now that may not always be the case and it is better to get that settled and in writing.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:26 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Try to encourage ur boy how to be a responsible father, and ask him his plans for the baby.. these times, he need more of ur support than condemnation. because he is too young. the mistake was done, and the damage is there, we cannot bring it back anymore. all we have to do is to make solutions for the problems. and your boy needs ur advice that will make him a man.
    bhel

    Answer by bhel at 9:40 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I am not sure i understand you question. you can not make him stay with this girl just because they have a baby together. If you love the girl and the baby then you can stay in touch with them. I know for me my "EX" totally walked away when I was pregnant, and his mother stayed. Today my son is 11 and we have a great relationship with his grand mother. She treats all my children the same.

    As far as him being a father you can not force that either. You can have support the child with child support, again this is not your decision.

    I guess I would say talk to him and really listen to what he is saying to you. Try to encourage him to make good choices and remember in the end it is his choice.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 12:42 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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