Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you comfront a person or allow it to be?

I was sexual abused as a child and now as a wife and mother I am finding it to be on my mind alot more. I want to just send aletter or ask why. Has any one done this before or should I just some how learn to let go?

Answer Question

Asked by moma22angels at 11:15 PM on Feb. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 9 (342 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • So was I and Im not sure if you are just looking for sympathy or what but you should realize you are a survivor and not a victim anymore. No need to post so many ?s about the same topic. GEEZ!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I was looking to get different advice from all areas of cm, not looking for sympathy. Just advice.

    Answer by moma22angels at 11:27 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • what if they don't respond back? could you live with no response? i would think that would open up even more wounds. i think it best to get therapy. that is what i had to do. i realized that what matters most is what god thinks of me and not the approval of my dad or the men who abused me. i think you should avoid the ones that made you feel sick and leave open wounds to heal. what they say is never an excuse of why they did it and the answer may just make you feel worse should you get one. it's obvious they are sick and it had nothing to do with you personally. they just used you. leave it be and get help to heal yourself. it's funny i have been thinking a lot of my past and how to separate the past with my present and husband in bed.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:32 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • I think you need to know what would help you the most to be able to help heal and move on....maybe seek professional counsel. Try keeping a journal for a month or so, as I write, I often discover that what I thought was originally bothering me, is not the real issue at all. And,a lot of my answers come to me. Never let anyone put you down for what you are or are not doing regarding healing from sexual abuse. Every situation, and every person is different. There are no "rights or wrongs" or timetables necessary in healing from very traumatic sexual abuse. Time takes time. You will find your right path.

    Answer by Joran1025 at 11:35 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • My sister "thinks" she did and now she is so obsessed with her 4 daughters. Making sure nothing happens to them. but she refuses to go to a therapist. I would say talk your feelings out first. maybe you don't need to try to contact this person.

    Answer by Ibelucky1 at 11:44 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • First of all OP, really think your actions through. It could open up a can of worms that are better left alone. Can you deal with allowing this person back in your life - even a tiny bit?

    However, if you think you can handle the fallout, by all means contact the person. You may never get the answer you are seeking though, so may if you contact the person, just forgive them and move on.

    It worked for me ... of course, I'm the {confrontational} type. :-)


    Answer by snowgirl79 at 12:29 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • The right thing to do is to contact the authorities and let them sort it out so that other children or innocent victims can be protected. Otherwise, I would say leave it alone and seek counseling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Do you think he is a danger to others? If so, contact the police and report it. If not.. I would listen to the above posts.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:20 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • It all depends on what you want out of the situation. If you just want to vent your anger at what happened and it you don't care if the abuser is sorry or not, then go for it. But, if you are looking for an apology or explanation, you may not get one. You have to decide if that will hinder your healing or help it. Maybe try writing the letter, but then holding onto it for a while and then rereading it and deciding if you want to actually send it or not. Sometimes we just want the words out of our head and tangible to the world. But, no matter what you decide to do, there is no "right" thing to do. Its about what will help you to move on with your life and function as a mentally healthy person. Good luck from one Survivor to another!

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:58 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.