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My son is very disrespectul tomy fiancee

He shows him no respect and says bad things about him, my fiancee feels bad and doesnt want to punish him or tell me when hes acting up because he doesnt want to be the bad step dad. How do I handle this.

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PortJeffHottie

Asked by PortJeffHottie at 7:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • how long have you been together?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:42 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • I see two issues here: one is that you need to step in and make your son show respect and stop saying inappropriate things. But two is sitting down with your son and finding out why he's doing this. You don't give details, but I'm thinking maybe you haven't been with your fiance very long, or maybe you got together soon after breaking up with your son's father? If either of those, or something similar is the case, then it's important to understand your son is upset and probably pretty confused, and this may be his way of trying to get your attention. It's not appropriate, of course, but if that's what he's doing, you need to address it. You need to give him attention and help him feel secure and safe and express his emotions. Another idea is that maybe your son's father is prompting this.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:45 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • Make sure there isn't an underlying issue
    Is your fiance a respectable man?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:48 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • Is he like this with other people? Did this just start happening after you became engaged? 


     If your DS is otherwise a good kid but having a hard time adjusting to your engagement spend time with him.  Your SO should also spend time alone with him developing a relationship.  Try not to force it but do things he likes this gives you an opportunity to talk to him without a lot of pressure.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • do you refer to your fiance as his step dad? That could be part of the problem.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:54 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • Sometimes relationships just need time. In the present though I would make him be respectful towards him.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 8:26 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • How long have you been divorced/ widowed? Is he living in your home? How long has he been lving there? What is his attitude towad other adults?
    All these things can factor in to giving you a decent answer.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 8:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • Is he disrespectful in general? Where is his father? Do you all live together? Maybe if he is a good kid, you should not marry this guy until your son gets out of the house.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:57 PM on Jul. 23, 2012

  • How does your fiance treat your son? How does your son treat other adults? Does he have a relationship with his dad? How long have you been with the fiance? There are so many questions that aren't answered so good advice is hard to give.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:34 PM on Jul. 27, 2012

  • I'm 39 and my mom remarried almost 8yrs ago she married a man and told me he was my new dad! I didn't accept him for years. I never called him my step dad for years. My dad is still alive. He is my dad, not a stranger who has done nothing to earn that title. I felt like that. My mom's husband and my mom's stepson was their titles. Let it go and tell your son not to say things in front of you or make up lies to people about him. But he does have a right to be mad if he's mad or hurt if he's hurt. If he is young, he has rules and those are what he gets punished for (attitude and not doing chores or homework) and he needs to know the rules still stand no matter who lives with you. He also needs to know he will grow up and move away and you want to have a marriage and friend to grow old with. take the personal emotion out of it when deciding how to react. good luck.
    Momchipomkids

    Answer by Momchipomkids at 11:00 AM on Jul. 31, 2012

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