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How will i really know if he is for me, or if i should leave now?

As you know by reading my profile i am a single mother of three beautiful children. I am currently in a relationship with a man for a lil over a year only. about last summer we were engaged to be married and shortly after that he decided to leave me and his reasoning was he realized he wasnt ready. Now keep in mind he is only just 22 and no kids of his own. i fought like hell to win him back, becasue at the time i really thought i loved him. He did come back but we are not getting married. As time went on i keep boggiling my mind over this, since then i just don't know. Now i need some advice on this cause i love him but him and i want different things and i think when he left me that time after being engaged that prob should of been my first clue. Can someone please help me and give some good advice casue im lost and confused what to do. thank you.

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kristinaalexis

Asked by kristinaalexis at 8:21 AM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I believe like Dr. Laura does....you have children, you don't need to date, let alone getting married. These kids get "bonded' with a man, it doesnt' work...for them it's like a divorce all over again. Concentrate on taking care of THEIR needs, not YOURS. Your needs can come AFTER they are grown and on their own.
    NCmomX4

    Answer by NCmomX4 at 8:24 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • If you want different things, have different goals then he isnt the right guy for you. You need to look for someone on the right page. Him leaving you was probably a blessing because it gave you an understanding of what he was made of and also got you thinking. You can be friends but it doesnt mean you have to marry him just because he came back. Sometimes its just too late to start again. Keep looking and dont settle. I was a single mom too and refused to settle when I got married again. I finally found the right guy but I had to go through more heartbreak and wondering if every single man out there was gay, married or crazy.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:25 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I AGREE WITH THIS SINGLE MOM GEMGEM SHE SAID IT ALL, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON...
    engaged35

    Answer by engaged35 at 8:33 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Move on... he is only 22. How old are you dear??
    JanuaryRayne

    Answer by JanuaryRayne at 9:18 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • If you are interested in being married, you should decide what character traits you want in a husband. Character is what lasts even when physical attraction wanes, as it always does. You should then look for a man who has those traits. You should not have sex with him until after he has proposed and have had the marriage ceremony. Sexual promiscuity clouds your ability to make good judgments regarding character, and it tends to make you think that you can live with the inadequacies, but you will come to dispise them. The first qualification for any man you would consider should be whether or not he wants to be a husband and a father. If he does not, then don't waste another second on him. You have to believe that you are worth being someone's wife and not just an object for his pleasure. You will have to be determined to accept only what you and your children can live with for the rest of your life.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:49 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • You have to find a man that is looking for a family. Whether your kids are his or not, they will still be a part of the family. Lots of men become great step dads at younger than 22 so, thats not an excuse. I thin I would just move on and find a man that is more settled and has similar goals to your own, not necessarily older though.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:53 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • move on sista
    Teejay602

    Answer by Teejay602 at 9:58 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Sit down and think of EVERYTHING you want out of your relationship, being reasonable, as well as your future for you and your children, if you know he can't hack it, move on and find someone that is willing to go that extra mile for you and your family.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:43 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I think you already have your answer. It sounds like you know what to do, but are afraid of letting him go again. Maybe its not even really HIM you aren't sure about...maybe its the fact you found a guy who you liked and who didn't mind you already had kids (not such an easy combo to find) and you are worried about having to search all over again for another guy. Sometimes its easier to "put up with" things the way they are then to start new. Especially if hes a nice guy, but you just aren't seeing eye to eye on the marriage issue. Thats a lot to give up, but if you know that he isn't ready, then you need to free yourself up for the possibility of the Real right guy to get to know you and the kids.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:18 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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