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You want to be with the idea of me??????

This is not really a question. I am just hurting and upset and needed to get it out to someone without everyone knowing my business and since I can post here anonymously I am doing it here. So me and my SO are over. He was sneaky and hiding stuff but insisting that he wasn't doing anything. So I asked him point blank if he wanted to be with me. He said yes. I said, "just not enough to be open and honest with me" So he said "Something like that" So I said "So then you really don't want to be with me" He said "I guess not I guess I want to be with the idea of you" So I told him to leave and don't come back. I said it because I need to be strong, but I don't feel strong and as I sit here typing this it hurts like hell. All these years and we have kids and this is the way it ends. I'm hurt and confused and I feel betrayed. So if there is any question it's do you know to heal a broken heart

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • time heals all pain, that is the only way for your heart to heal. I am sorry to hear about you and your SO splitting up, but it sounds like it was for the best. It really sucks because we as women put our hearts on your sleaves, and then it just gets ripped apart. I hope that you can stay strong and not go back to him. It doesn't sound like he was their for the "right" reasons. Good Luck, and Stay strong...Remember time heals all pain, allow yourself to cry to overcome the past!
    ali_1107

    Answer by ali_1107 at 9:14 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • ugh, so sorry that has happened to you...
    Apr1l

    Answer by Apr1l at 9:15 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I'm so sorry that your heart hurts like this. Many people expect love to look like it does in the movies. All passionate and heart-pounding, which, for the most part, only happens for a while in the beginning, and then it turns into a different kind of love- deeper and stronger.Many people, though, like many celebrities who set poor examples, think that once that heart-pounding fades a bit, that they're not in love anymore. "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you anymore." I think that's why so many of them get married, or get serious, a million times. I truly love my husband more today than I ever have, and at times he still gives me butterflies in my stomach. It feels different now, but I love the way it feels. Maybe your SO is still thinking that the heart-pounding= love. Maybe he'll realize his mistake and have a change of heart. Maybe not. Take care of you and your babies. Only time heals a broken heart. God bless!
    divakristi

    Answer by divakristi at 9:27 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Yup!! Only time can heal a broken heart. Just be strong and move on.
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 9:28 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • The best way for you to heal is to first of all be glad to be rid of such a man. The second thing you can do is to spend lots of time thinking about the mistakes you made in misjudging this guy's character. You can also spend a lot of time thinking about what you would like in a husband. Write those things down. The first thing on your list should be that he wants to be married. Don't settle for anything less than that, and don't have sex with any other guy until you are married to him. You will eliminate the guys who are like this one. You have to come to the understanding that you deserve nothing less than a man who is willing to commit to you for life. You deserve much more than some guy who wants only to use you for his own pleasure and then walk away any time he feels like leaving you. That is not love, and you should not believe that it is. Love involves total committment for life. Go for it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:56 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Oh my goodness. How do you know that the OP wanted to be married? Why is it automatically assumed that she wanted it and he didn't? That's not a constructive post to someone who is not in a good place right now.

    OP the only way to heal is to do like others said. Time.
    sexy_with_5

    Answer by sexy_with_5 at 10:07 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I know what it's like for a guy to be in love with the idea of you.. my daughters father is the same way.. we recently split up. My choice. It sucks and I miss him because I really loved him, but I know that I wasn't being fair to myself if I stayed with him either.. I deserve someone who is going to love me as much as I loved my ex. I know this, so I moved on... I'm a single mom right now because right now I don't think I'm ready to start another relationship or dating, I need time to heal, and focus on me and DD. But when I'm ready to date again, I'll know when, and I don't give up hope that some day I'll find the man that can love me AND my daugher unconditionally. I know it hurts now.. there are still some nights I cry, but I know now what I need from a guy, and take it as a lesson learned, and keep going. Day by day it gets a little easier.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:39 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I think he meant he likes the IDEA of being with you but it just doesn't work out like he thought.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I'm so sorry. :(
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 12:43 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Ummmm... sorry you are going through this. My SO said basically the same thing to me almost 2 months ago before he walked out. And like you, the whole conversation started because I found out he was doing things he shouldn't be doing and confronted him about it - with proof - and he was still denying it. I can't tell you how to mend your broken heart, but I can tell you that you are stronger than you feel. I am guessing from the way you worded your message that this just happened. Please take heart that it WILL be hard but it DOES get easier. Each day, focus on what really matters. Your children. Get out of bed FOR THEM. Eat so that you have energy to care FOR THEM. Go to work so that you can support THEM. At some point you will suddenly realize that what you were doing FOR THEM suddenly was FOR YOU too. I'm not saying it's easy or that you won't cry or you won't have bad days. You will. But you will heal too.
    MHodges

    Answer by MHodges at 10:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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