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others way to fix a marriage.....not wanting a divorce.....please help

dh is military, gone from home most of the week. Goes out with the guys and met a female at a bar and had an emotional relationship with her, had/has feelings for her.

Is willing to work it out and fix our problems, agreed to see a counselor. Is in limbo and says he doesnt know what he wants or that he wants to be with no one.

Please help me save my marriage, i dont want to lose my husband and i want to fix this without divorce...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You need to call your Chaplin who can send you both to a Credo (spelling) class it's kinda like a retreat for the weekend with other couples and they help out with problem solving and working on your marriage. Also talk with Family services on base they can recommend a therapist either in their office or one Tricare will cover. Seek counseling first. it sounds like you need more help then what you can do at home. I hope this helps. But remember it's not gonna work if he is not willing to try.
    YamahaGoddess

    Answer by YamahaGoddess at 10:00 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • About all you can do is love him unconditionally. I would tell him that what he has done is unacceptable, but that I love him and want the marriage to work. I would tell him that I was willing to do whatever I could to make that happen. Then I would demonstrate that love toward him by praising him wherever I could honestly give praise. I would do those things to and for him that mean love to him. Those things may or may not be the same things that say love to you. I would probably even ask him when he feels most loved by me. We sometimes take for granted that our spouses are feeling loved when they are not. It's not enough to say it, it has to be demonstrated. If you don't know what makes him feel loved, then you have work to do to find that out. Make sure he knows that his priority ranks higher with you than the children or with family or with anyone or anything else. May God help you to win his heart back!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:01 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Sorry you are going thru this. I dont know how to help you save your marriage. Perhaps prayer? Trust in God that everything will work out in the end good or bad. He has plans for you. Just trust that He knows what is best for you.
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 10:01 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Just keep being strong, the more he sees that you are willing to fight for the two of you, the easier his decision will be. Show him your love, dont' hold back. Good luck.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:29 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • You're on the right track. Put all your past problems in the past where they belong anf just love him, Don't hold this against him either. Forgive and move on. Start over fresh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • OK this is going to sound really corny but we watched Fireproof this last weekend. It was amazing. I bought 10 DVD's and a case of the love dare books that go along with it. I am giving the dvd and a book to my family members and close friends. I would encourage you and hubby to watch that movie. Even though hubby and I have a great marriage this movie still hit home for us too. My heart and prayers go out to you and your hubby.
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 12:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Im sorry this is happening but you just need to go to counseling thats why there are marriage counslers. Nothing is going to be fixed over night. its going to take time. At least hes willing to work it out and go. Take advantage of it now. Bc who knows he might change his mind tomorrow. and if he does then Id kick him to the curb bc hes not willing to fix something that he broke!
    Goingthruitall

    Answer by Goingthruitall at 1:24 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Definitly do the counseling! And remember, if he says he doesn't know what he wants, thats usually guy talk for "I'm scared of all this responsiblity and wish i could be worry free again" These feelings can also lead to an affair because the new woman doesn't need anything from him and he can do/say/act however he wants because she doesn't know the REAL him. Keep hope that he does love you and is willing to go to counseling. That shows that he still cares enough to change. Work hard, forgive easily, and let the love you two once shared open up again.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:05 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • mamakirs:
    Where do i look for those things?

    ozarkgirl3:
    WOW, thats too a T. He keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants. One day he says he loves and will cry when he leaves (deployment) because of the kids then one day he says he doesnt think he wants kids. Everything you said was perfect
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

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