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will it go away>?

i recently gave my baby up for adoption. and i feel really empty and guilty will it go away?????

Answer Question

Asked by irishmama0607 at 11:23 AM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Level 4 (54 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • i'm sure it will.
    but i don't think it would for me.

    Answer by juliness at 11:26 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • No probably not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • no i doubt it will ever go away fully but you gave it away for a reason and you just need to remind yourself that you did it so that the baby could have a better life than what you could get it. seek counseling hon.. good luck

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:29 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • It is possible that you'll always feel sadness. But as time goes on, that sadness will be mixed with the certainty that you did the right thing for the baby and for yourself. ((hugs))

    Answer by Bmat at 11:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • She gave away the baby with a HOPE of a better life. You dont know for sure that will happen. Thus part of the guilt factor. Of course you will always, always have that empty feeling. Your child is gone. Nothing will ever fill that void. I am sorry you are in pain. I wish the best for you & your other children but I know from experience that no, it might get a bit easier over time but it never never goes away. I urge you to seek our other birthmothers here who can relate to the feelings you are having.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • of course i don't know for sure, but who does? there are plenty of women who are able to come to terms with knowing that they did what was best for everyone at the time, and be able to move past the guilt in a positive way. so if she can do that, then i'm sure it will go away.

    Answer by juliness at 11:54 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • No, it most likely will not go away, but that is ok. If you know that you chose adoption for the right reasons (and that you were not pressured), you will come to peace with you decision.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • It will ebb and flow. It's unlikely that the intense loss you feel right now will stay, but no it never goes away. I'm in year 21 now.

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:32 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I'm in year 18 now and have had pretty much the "best scenario" one could hope for. The adoptive parents I chose has been more generous than the semi-open arrangement we originallly entered back in 1990 and I've been in full reunion with her since she was 7 years old. Throughout the years she visited on school breaks and holidays and I've got a fantastic relationship with both her and her adoptive parents. That said, while I have always been sure of her health and happiness the personal grief and loss has always been there - always. Even if the adoptive agreements are honored, it still is a separation from your child and that just doesn't go away. You can come to accept it but it still is felt - even in full reunion. Welcome to the sisterhood of birthmoms dear. I agree that finding support from women who live this has been the biggest point of healing - reach out, there are lots of us here!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:14 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • My heart calls out to you. I adopted a child 2 1/2 years ago and I will never be able to say Thank you to Austin birthmother for giving him the gift of life. Austin would not have had life without her and I would not have Austin without her. She is the empty whole in my heart that can never be filled because I can't tell her how deeply thankful I am for her selfless act. I know this will not help the pain and I don't believe that I have the words that can change that for you but I do know this... You must be a terrific person to have done what you did. A woman of noble character! The life you made was blessed by the decision you made. Thank you sooooo much and I will pray that with time your pain will ease and you will be comforted knowing that your child is being loved and cared for by grateful, loving people. God bless you!

    Answer by imtheluckyone at 11:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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