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I question my marriage daily

i didn't ever want to be married, i was about to break up with him before we found out we were pregnant... he's always been selfish, cocky and argumentative and unappreciative of everything i do and go through... everyday i have the thought that i hate him and would have an EASIER time doing it ALL by myself, but every day i come to the conclusion that there's no real reason to separate since he loves me, he loves our children, and he tries hard to provide for us. am i going to regret not doing something about this now further down the road? (counseling is not an option. and he's unresponsive to "talks" he just points the finger) is it best to go with your gut and separate the kids from their father? or to wait until the kids are older and not have them deal with divorce at such a young age?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • That's a hard question to answer. If you are truly unhappy and there is no way you can do counseling and you see no way to find happiness with him then it probably is better to end it. But i say probably because there are no guarantees that you would be happier alone. Because then you'd have kids that want to know what happened and where is daddy? etc. etc. I have a friend who was completely miserable in her marriage. They had one son. The husband was a good provider, loved the kid. But he was terrible to her. She chose to stay for the son. But the son ended up in therapy anyway. Kids know when things aren't right. Either way you go is hard. Stay and be miserable but the kids are happy. Leave and you are happy but the kids miss dad. So then you're really not totally happy cuz the kids miss dad. OMG!!! you can't win!!!
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 11:54 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • original poster: yes! that's exactly how i feel!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • also wanted to add that I do personally think it's best when both parents are around. I know it can't always be that way. But kids want mom and dad both there. Unless the way you guys are with eachother has a negative impact on the kids. Then the kids are probly thinking, get a divorce!! If they are old enough that is. i know I used to wish it when I was little and my mom and stepdad fought all the time.
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 11:56 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • original poster: ages 2 and 3, both boys
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Have you told him how you feel? If not, do so and maybe, just maybe, he'll be like oh shit, she's serious!
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 11:59 AM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Maybe I'm wrong but I think it's harder on the kids when you split up when they are older.
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 12:00 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • My sister in law and her husband have been together for like twenty years and they have been miserable for most of them. They have a 14 year old son and he has been witness to all the unhappiness and fighting over the years. It has made him be a certain way I think. He would have been a happier kid if they had split up. But they have a very volatile relationship.
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 12:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • you do have to consider your own happiness here not just your kids. sometimes staying around for them isn't the best answer for the whole family. what if you told him you want to separate. during that time you can think about it more and then maybe he will take you seriously about getting help for his negative attitude. kids have an amazing ability to adjust to new circumstances. we rarely give them that credit.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I guess you kind of have to consider, if he loves you, why is he unappreciative of the things you do? Just because you are not together anymore, it doesn't mean your kids won't get to see him. If you do stay, would you want your children to grow up and be the same way in their relationships? If you aren't happy, it will reflect on them, they'll know something isn't right, kids sense these things...
    JenO1818

    Answer by JenO1818 at 12:20 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I say wait until both kids are 18 and out he goes. No more kids, either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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