3 1/2 yr old is acting differently.. ideas??

My dd is extremely clingy to her dad and i, shes been having a lot of accidents in her pants and shes been potty trained for 1 1/2 yrs. Shes acting out and biting kids. Shes normally very sweet and gentle. Yesterday she was at her aunts and cried hysterically when we picked her up. The one thing that jumped at me was she said "her cousins dad was going to b home". Shes rarely over there and her 6 cousins live there. Theyre fine with him but it made this stick in my head.

I asked her y shes scared of him n she says "because..."

I didnt want to put thouhts in her mind but i asked her what happened why were you sad there? And she said , "i dont want to tell you." within two hours today she had four accidents. And she NEVER has accidents.

I dont know if something did happen or what..
she goes to daycare in our home with my mom so shes not around new kids.

It may be separation anxiety because shes around us a lot and not around her aunt n cousins a lot... Or her dad and i split up about 1 1/2 months ago but were back together now.. I dont know if shes upset about that still..

How can i talk to her without feeding words and ideas to her at the same time??

Plz dont judge me either.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Jul. 26, 2012 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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I would say something has ben happening at her aunts house. You might want to get a social worker to talk to her who knows how to ask these questions. But don't let her go back to her aunts house, something is happening and those other children don't need to be around this person either.

Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:02 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
Credits: 42240 Level 30 Preschoolers (3-4) 101

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I was thinking that also. We RARELY go over there. Maybe once every few months. Thats why i am not sure if its that or something else like her dad and i splitting up and she wants to ensure we are still together and/or not leaving her either...

I think ill be looking into a ped psych.to get her emotions out...

Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:05 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
Its not just here that she freaks out if we leave her. At her dads moms she does that also. She doesnt like going to public water spray things with other kids she doesnt go and play at the playgrounds.. But the kids she does know, shes very social.

She is an emotional child a lot aside from all this and will dramatize stuff as well. Im just trying to look at everything , the whole picture.

Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:09 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
I would definitely go with a professional with this just to make sure and a child psychologist or councilor would be trained in communicating with children. I really hope it's something simple and not anything with her cousins dad.

Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:12 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
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Thank you! I appreciate your input. dont get me wrong though, shes a VERY happy little girl that puts other people first and is so loving and beautiful outside and in. : )

Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:18 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
So am I and I was abused as a child, children are resilient. It doesn't hurt to be certain :-)

Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:22 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
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Don't dismiss the possibility that your separation could have marked her much more deeply than you think. She's not liable to get over it in 6 weeks ... The fact that she freaks out every time you leave her with someone is what is making me say that. She's maybe afraid that when you go back to fetch her that she'll have "lost" her daddy again or maybe even afraid that you DON'T go back to fetch her.

Definitely have her see someone. Whatever the cause of her anxiety, she needs help ASAP.

Answer by winterglow at 4:29 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
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i would talk to a professional and get their input. it could be that she is still affected by the break up even though you are back together. maybe she thinks that when you leave you are going to split up again. good luck mama!

Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:06 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
Credits: 19340 Level 24 Preschoolers (3-4) 101

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The main thing (this is true regardless of the "cause") you can do is respond in a way that takes her feelings & difficulties seriously, supports her, & accepts her emotional expression. This may sound like a no-brainer until you really think about what "acceptance" is. It can be very challenging to respond to anxiety, clinging behavior, whining & crying with acceptance. These behaviors trigger anxiety & irritation in us, not relaxed acceptance.
If you can give an optimal response to the full range of her emotions, then whatever needs to come out will come out. Her needs will be met as they arise. Either things will resolve, or she'll need more.
The fact that you describe her as an "emotional child" & "dramatic," plus the things you describe, could indicate that her behaviors signal frustration around freedom of expression, maybe heightened by tensions at home. Regardless, giving room for her feelings as they are is proactive.

Answer by girlwithC at 10:13 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
Credits: 16405 Level 23 Preschoolers (3-4) Minor

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"Giving room" for her feelings & reactions as they happen would be in contrast to responding to her hysterical crying with questions about what's wrong. It would be accepting the strength of her big reaction for what it is, not trying to solve it, get to the bottom of it, or fix it. It'd be acknowledging how upset she is, and letting your response BE that acknowledgment. If she speaks, you acknowledge that.
Melting down like you describe once you're there to pick her up basically expresses (or off-loads) stress. You being there offers her enough safety to let out her feelings, ones that likely have had her feeling off-track. I can see how being around 6 cousins would be stressful for a young child. It doesn't have to be "negative" stress to be stressful; it could have been exciting & fun, but still involve social interactions that result in challenging feelings. Particularly in a child who "typically" adapts herself to others.

Answer by girlwithC at 10:30 AM on Jul. 26, 2012
Credits: 16405 Level 23 Preschoolers (3-4) Minor

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