Sick to my stomach how could he do this?

My ex fiance was arrested yesterday for domestic violence. Hens never down any signs of being this type of guy. He's always been so amazing so this shocks the hell out of me. I was in so much shock. I just had to get a text for the officer doing more investigation off his phone when I see texts to a person in his phone named ashli my love. So I read and caught the fact that he cheated while I wa in the hospital having surgery. Well recovering. How? Why? I'm so lost. I haven't been able to sleep and this ices the cake. I'm exhausted, sick, and scared. How did I almost marry him? They have a no contact order in place but that could be lifted when he's released. I could use any advice. I have no idea how I'm going to pay rent right now because the money order was in his pocket and he won't release it to me. I'm terrified to ever be with anyone again.

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Asked by Heidikans at 9:03 AM on Jul. 28, 2012 in Relationships

8354 Level 20

Answers (15)

Firstly. Respect the no contact order even when he gets out. If you want contact with him before the order is over go to a Judge. Both of you could get in serious trouble if you are caught violating the order. I can't stress this enough. I have seen many people arrested for violating those orders (I use to work for the Sheriffs Dept)

Secondly. To an extent I can forgive and forget about a SMALL domestic issue that turns ugly. I'm not talking about a good ole ass whooping. Where we live all it takes is a neighbor or somebody calling the cops. If the cops are called SOMEBODY HAS to go to jail. Also, I can have my husband arrested just for looking at me in a way that makes me feel threatened, I shit you not. So for me it depends on what happened as for the domestic goes.

Thirdly. Cheating. Nope. That is a deal breaker.

Answer by kc932 at 10:26 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
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Was this domestic violence against you? Or someone else? I'm guessing, since you mention paying rent, that it was against you.

I don't have any advice regarding the rent, but I would say if they lift the no contact order, I'd go in and try to get another put in place. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me, especially if he'd never shown any indication he was like this before doing it. That would terrify me that it would just come up out of the blue again someday. I wouldn't be able to live like that. And that would bother me way more than the cheating.

As far as the cheating, I say use that to make yourself angry when he starts begging to come back and trying to worm his way back in.

Answer by wendythewriter at 9:08 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
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I can just about guarantee you, right now you say it is easy to abide by the order but a few weeks from now it will not be so easy. You will probably have questions and feelings you will need to vent about the cheating that will may eat away at you. But it's not just him who could get in trouble for the violation. I have seen Judges throw the book at the "victims" for violating the orders. I guess they see it as, "we have this order to protect you and you just disregard it.".

The domestic is really moot point for me because the cheating would be the deal breaker.

Answer by kc932 at 10:42 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
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Well that sucks! You need a plan. Do you have friends or family you can stay with, at least til you get back on your feet? If not, call United Way to get some referrals for housing or shelters. It will take time, but once you're away from him, you will regain your strength. But don't rule out ever finding a good man in the future. They're out there. A decent break could do you some good tho. GL!

Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:07 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
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Yes it was against me.

Comment by Heidikans (original poster) at 9:11 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
Credits: 8354 Level 20 Relationships Minor
He pinned me down, the a cat at me, told me he was going to stab himself and tell the cops it was me. but mostly it was in front of my kids. S no contact order will not be hard to obide by. His mug shot looks sinical. Seriously scares me for him to get out.

Comment by Heidikans (original poster) at 10:33 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
Credits: 8354 Level 20 Relationships Minor
*the a cat a me

Comment by Heidikans (original poster) at 10:33 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
Credits: 8354 Level 20 Relationships Minor
So you are trying to say. He has NEVER done this before? Most guy show signs of this.

Answer by louise2 at 11:57 AM on Jul. 28, 2012
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He's fought but never like this. I really never noticed any.

Comment by Heidikans (original poster) at 12:21 PM on Jul. 28, 2012
Credits: 8354 Level 20 Relationships Minor
Louise, I am downplaying it but sometimes people have blow ups and do things out of characteristic. From the way the op worded it this is such a case. Sometimes it can be a one time deal. Everybody, EVERYBODY has a breaking point. I am in no way saying that this makes it okay, it is NOT.

Answer by kc932 at 1:39 PM on Jul. 28, 2012
Credits: 5776 Level 18 Relationships 101

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