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My stepdaughter's boyfriend proposed to her and they surprised us on our family camping vacation a few days ago with the great news. I'm very close with her - in some ways closer than her own mom with whom she's always had some mother-daughter conflicts. Though she called her mom from our campsite and gave her the news as well right after telling us.
Anyway, the first thing my husband did after hugging her and congratulating them was to tell me he was calling his ex-wife to share the joy with her. I know I shouldn't feel hurt - after all they raised her together. But I still felt hurt (I didn't say anything - just kept it inside and smiled the whole time). It's not about me - it's about the joyous occasion of my stepdaughter's coming wedding.
The thing that comes to my mind is that my husband would never have left his ex - she had an affair and left him. (He even tried to work it out after learning of the affair but she refused because she wanted to be with her boyfriend). Anyway, it triggers a sadness in my heart that with an occasion of the engagement, he is longing to share it with his ex-wife. That I'm second choice because he couldn't be with her. I'm happy for my stepdaughter and working on keeping the focus on her. But here on Cafemom, at least I can reveal my feelings and get help from those who might have felt similar.
I also don't know what to expect with the wedding. We will be paying for it and she has said she'd love to have her wedding in our backyard. I was thinking of maybe calling the ex-wife to just break the ice and talk about how we might share this event. I just don't know what my next steps should be.
Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 29, 2012 in Relationships
Answer by gdiamante at 3:41 PM on Jul. 29, 2012
Answer by BubbaLuva at 1:23 PM on Jul. 30, 2012
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