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How do I tactfully remind the nanny that I'm the mom?

I have a nanny problem. I'm co-parenting my boyfriends 2 boys. the oldest is in school during the days, but the youngest, 4, goes to a good friends during the days. She's great and so much more than just a babysitter. BUT! She's taken it upon herself to cut JG's hair (when I say cut, I mean buzz it all off) whenever she decides it's gotten too long. On sunday I noticed it was time for a cut, so I cut his hair the way I like it. I picked him up from her house the next day and she had buzzed it all off again. How do I tactfully remind her of her place and let her know that I really don't want her to do it again?

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Asked by skinnykat at 5:50 PM on Feb. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • Flat out tell her!! You pay her if she doesnt do what you like or anything find someone else to take him to or dont pay her.

    Answer by Goingthruitall at 5:53 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • yeah you don't need to be tactful about this. You tell her your the mom and there are certain decisions like a, b, and c that YOU decide. If she doesn't abide by that there will be other women applying for the job.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 5:57 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Straight up, firmly. You want to know potty, sickness, fussiness, eats, not eating, playing, that day when it happens. Give her a tape recorder to video record or tape baby's, kids' moods and accomplishments and fallbacks. You're the employer. You're the boss. And set up a nanny cam. Every once in a while just come home and don't tell nanny you're EVER going to do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Just say to her I noticed that you cut ___ hair. If you felt it was getting to long I really wish you had just said something. Please come to me before making any changes with my children. I prefer to be informed. If she does it again be blunt. No matter what it will be uncomfortable for you both. Try to e considerate ion the first offense. If it continues after two encounters it may be time for a new nanny

    Answer by But_Mommie at 5:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I agree you just need to tell her to knock it off! I was a nanny for 5 years and I would never think of doing something like that without the permission of the parent. The one child I cared for when she was little didn't like her hair cut. Mom took her to her place and she cried. I was allowed to take her all over the place. I went to a friend's private home for mine so I took the child with me. She loved it there. So I asked mom if she wanted I would try it with my friend. The child did very well and I continued to take her there until I left. I only took her if mom asked.

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 6:26 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Since she has done this in the past and you never said anything before, she is probably under the impression that it's okay for her to do. Simply tell her that, while you know she means well & is trying to be helpful, that you don't want her cutting the child's hair anymore. You don't have to be rude or uncomfortable about it, just tell her. I'm sure she'll understand and apologize, probably saying that since you didn't mind it the first time she did it, that it was okay for her to do. Honestly, if you were unhappy about it the first time she did it, you should have said something then, instead of letting it go and setting a precedent. The next time the babysitter does something you don't like, say something right away and it will be much easier to deal with the issue.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 9:18 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • i would talk to her about this my aunt had a problem with my cousins daycare doing the same thing and kept getting mad and wouldn't say anything so finally my mom went down with her and they went to the owner and she had no clue that the teachers where doing such things and boy was she mad also and let them teachers have it you are the parent not her and it needs to be said and if you feel out of place have your boyfriend go with you sense its his child really and you are more the step mom kinda

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

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