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I just started dating, and finally found someone I decided to get up close and personal with. Problem, his manhood doesn;t work. He seems to feel this isn't an issue since we can do so many other things. To me it is a big issue and not one I think I can move beyond. My ex had that problem due to drugs and although it bothered me for years, there wasn't much I could do since we were married---don't want to repeat the same song--am I being shallow?

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Asked by soniamonica17 at 7:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I don't think you're being shallow. Sex, while not the most important part, is an important part of any romantic relationship. Like any other quality you would look for (sense of humor, sensitivity), you've determined the ability to have sex as a criteria for a long term relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. The only thing I would suggest is to give it some more consideration, really think it thru, so that you won't regret it later and think about what might have been if you'd stayed with him. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Uh, not to be heartless but you need his equipment to work.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:03 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • I do not think that is shallow. Sex is a very important part of intimacy. And this is the beginning of a relationship it is good to know these things up front. Good luck to you


    Answer by pnwmom at 8:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • No. You are being upfront about what you want and need in order to make a relationship work. It would be no different if you wanted a guy that could dance or is tall or any other options you make pick.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 9:27 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • No it's not shallow. It's vital imo. Why should you get cheated out of something you expect from a relationship and want and deserve? Tell him you can be friends and see each other sometime but that you don't think a long term relationship is in the cards for you two.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • Does it never work....has he had this problem in the past? When my boyfriend and I first got together he had.....issues....a couple of times, but it was nerves and he got past it. Every time since has been amazing

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 1:07 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • No, not shallow. It sounds like it brings up issues from your past that are unsettling, on top of the fact that it is stressful to be the other person in that situation. Does he know what the problem is? Is it something that might be treatable? I think it's a positive thing that he finds so many other things to do! So many men aren't even aware that there ARE other things ;) But, eventually, it's reasonable to want the "real thing". Can you talk to him about options down the road?


    Answer by CluelessCarrie at 6:14 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

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