Honest or Manipulative?

Sounds pretty manipulative to me.

I would say, "NO! you are not the worst kid ever, you are not rude, YOU ARE NOT A BAD KID. BUT, you did make a very rude decision. So next time try this instead _____"

Don't let her give in to the negative thought process by agreeing with her. But conversely, don't let her off the hook either by babying her and giving into the manipulation.

I thinks it's a drama thing that little girls go thru. I know my dau has said crap like that. Just tell her, "No, you're the best kid ever, but you made a mistake" Or "I'm glad you feel bad about that. That's your conscious telling you that you did something wrong. That means you probably won't do it again, right?"

That is a hard one to decipher. I haven't had to experience that with my 6 yo yet. I am battling other things. I would just remind her that she isn't bad, horrible, or anything that she is saying. Just explain that what she said was wrong but it doesn't make her bad or anything of that nature. I don't know if what I am really trying to say is coming across well. I hope it makes some sense.

Sorry I don't have any advice but my 7to DS does the same thing just to me and not to DH.

OOPs that should be 7yo. :)

It's kind of a warped way of avoiding the taking of responsibilities for her own actions. I know grown-up people who still try to pull this stuff if they are ever confronted about what they are doing that is hurtful or harmful to others. I don't know her personality, but I do know that you need to find a way now to force her to own what she is doing. It is in a way a manipulative tactic because it turns her guilt into an attempt to get you to feel sorry for her rather than for the person whom she has wronged. Don't let her get away with it.

I don't know your daughter so I can't say what her motive is. I can, instead, tell you about my son. :) He's a perfectionist. As such, he does not handle not succeeding very well. He also does not always handle criticism well. He will at times, although not as much as he used to now (he's 10) fall back on the "I'm no good. I mess up everything" when he's corrected - whether it be behavior or a school paper. He's not trying to manipulate through pity. He is honestly, in that moment, feeling like he's failed in a much bigger way than he has in reality. I typically respond to him by saying "No, you are not [fill in blank.] You are a good kid who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. What makes us "bad or rude" is refusing to accept that we were wrong and refusing to apologize or fix our behavior going forward. When you're ready to calm down you can come back and join us in the other room."

Just watch how you're addressing the issue from the get go. We try hard to stick with term like, "DS, it was rude to [fill in blank.]" as opposed to "You were very rude right there." The negative adjective gets tacked on to the action not the child. IT's subtle but for a kid like mine, hearing "I was rude" feeds the negative spin he has a natural tendency to fall back to when he's not focusing on it. Hearing "what I did was rude" is not an internalized negative as much as a mistake that I can work to avoid in the future. kwim?