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My 13 yo stepdaughter says she will not come stay at our house anymore because of me, how should I proceed?

She was with us for the month of June and we got along most of the time....she states to her dad that she has been thinking about this for the past 2 years. I have been married to her dad for 7 years and around her since she was 2. I am so hurt by this and feel awful. What should I do?

 
MommaMeme80

Asked by MommaMeme80 at 1:45 AM on Aug. 2, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I don't think there's anything you can do or say that will help the situation. This is your husband's to handle. It sounds very much like she has decided to make him choose between the two of you and that's not too uncommon for her age! I would continue to treat her exactly as you always have when you have the opportunity. I also don't think you should be worrying about all this since you have always been nice to her. She wants you to feel badly but there's no need for you to accomodate her.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:53 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Let her father deal with the situation
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:46 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Exactly what Dardanella said. Dad has to work this out. Anything you say or do won't help.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:58 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • It hurts, it's unfair, but you may have to just ride it out. Maybe your husband can talk to his daughter. You might send her a card; let her know you don't mind giving her some space, but you'll miss her, and you'll be glad to have her visit when she's ready.

    Step-parents have a difficult, thankless job. Last week my stepson wouldn't visit because I was mean--I made him clean up his lunch dishes and hang up his wet suit and towel after a swim. It's easy to blame a stepmom for anything that goes wrong because she's not a parent. But she morphs into a mom as mightily as a Power Ranger as soon as there's a fun activity to do, or as soon as the 'real mom' falls from grace, which can happen in an instant with teenagers.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:00 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Aside from having your husband talk to his daughter, try planning some activities you know she'll like. If she won't visit even when your family is having fun, there may be a deeper issue. My stepson is back for his last full week visit before school starts. I may be mean, but he couldn't resist a trip to the county fair. Hang in there, Mom!
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:00 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • have your husband talk to her. or have him ask his ex if she knows what is going on. maybe something happened that did not seem like a big thing, but bothered her more than you realised.
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 5:52 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Maybe a sit down w/ you, your husb, the ex & the child. Find out what's going on. It may just be her teenage angst showing here. If you have been a part of her life for that many years, unless something suddenly changed or you had a recent falling out, I'm betting you can get to the bottom of this. GL!

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:44 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • I would have your husband talk to her to find out exactly why...if it is something that you did or just because she's being a bit of a brat or because of what her mother does/says when she gets home. And then just go from there. Unless it was specifically something that you did, there is nothing you can do...this would be between your husband, his daughter, and his ex.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 7:38 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Did she give any further explanation? Or just "I don't want to come here anymore because of her"? Although I don't think there's much you can do, and her father should handle this, I think it would be good to find out exactly why. If she feels you've slighted her in some way, then you might be able to talk to her and clear up the misunderstanding, and apologize for the issue, and that'll show her that you aren't the evil stepmother or whatever. If it's because her mother makes her feel bad for coming to your house or something like that, then that will be up to your husband to deal with. Either way, and regardless of what does or doesn't happen, make sure you do not treat her any differently.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:32 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

  • Do you all have kids together? She may feel left out of the family unit,, When you did argue what was it over? I think you husband should speak to his ex wife about this,, maybe she misses her friends etc, and it would be possible for her to visit more often and shorter lengths of time?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:00 AM on Aug. 2, 2012

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