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How Do you say something!?

I have a friend who has a very hyper 2 year old, I feel bad because I don't want her child at my home anymore because she is just down right mean to my daughter. Her daughter throws food at mine and other children and adults in the area, And the mother doesn't do anything but laugh. daughter has hit mine and I told her no that it wasn't nice, and the mother just said " I let them learn from each other" Meaning its OK if her child hits mine and mine hits back, that they will learn from it. I teach my child that it's not OK to hit period. This mother dose not correct her child in any way. PLEASE HELP! How can I tell her that it's just not going to work out because her daughter is very rude.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think you should tell your friend how you feel, If she don't understand why you feel this way then maybe she wasn't really a good friend to be with. I have had a similar situation and I had to ingore the fact, but I don't really get together with that mother that much anymore. Good Luck.!
    RoRo_517

    Answer by RoRo_517 at 10:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

  • tell her exactly what you put here. You value her as a friend, but you have to think of your daughter's needs. A good friend will understand. Someone who doesn't understand is not a good friend.
    mom2alan

    Answer by mom2alan at 12:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I agree with you, you need to find some tact to tell her that you don't agree with her child's behavior. This is what I would do, I invite them over. Go about normal activities and when the little brat starts acting up, I would say "HEY that is NOT very nice to do in my house, she is suppose to be your friend, you need to either stop (whatever she is doing) or you will need to leave my home" and then prompt your friend by saying "tell her mom" and then she will be put in her spot to discipline her daughter or leave. If she doesn't discipline her then I would cut the play date short.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 12:21 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I think I would say that you respect that this is her parenting choice, and that what's right for your family isn't always whats right for another. But, just like you respect her right to parent how she wants, you hope that she can respect your right to say these are the rules in my house, and that they apply to everyone in your house, guest or not. They include not hitting, not throwing food, etc.

    You hope that she can respect your home and your rules for your home, and help ensure that EVERYONE (including her dd, but you don't have to say that part) follow them. If they can't respect your home, then, sadly, you're going to have to ask them to not come back.

    It might sound harsh, but honestly, her dd is still young enough that they - MOM included - could learn a valuable lesson in socially acceptable behavior this way. Because if she keeps up this way, the child will never have friends.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Also, if she pushes the issue, you need to explain that while her friendship is important to you, this is not just YOUR home, but it's your CHILD'S home as well, and that just like an adult wouldn't want someone coming into their home and treating them badly, children don't like it either. You want EVERYONE in your family to feel comfortable and secure in your home, and anyone who makes ANY member of your family uncomfortable either needs to correct the behavior or not come back. Period.

    We had to say something like this to a friend of our dd several yrs ago - she was wanting to make fun of our ds because he did nice things for our dd, was making fun of him, etc. i
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:58 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • cont

    (sorry, I hit post by mistake) Things like he told his sister goodnight and that he loved her when it was bedtime. (they were all elementary school age). She told him the same thing. The friend was making fun of him and saying she was going to tell all the kids in the neighborhood that he had a crush on his sister because he said he loved her. I told her flat out that while she was a guest in our home, and we wanted her to be comfortable, it was still OUR home, and that meant it was our ds's home, too, and we didn't allow ANY of our guests to come in and make ANY member of our family uncomfortable or hurt them, and if she was going to do that, then she needed to go home.

    It was a lesson in manners she needed to learn, and more importantly, our kids needed to have re-enforced to them that our home is their sanctuary, and they are more important than ANY guest.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Just tell her that though you value her friendship, you won't be able to have her over anymore if her child is going to behave this way. It might hurt her feelings, but it's the truth. If this were a situation where the child couldn't help it, or where the mother tries but is unsuccessful and exasperated I would feel differently. If she is going to condone violence and misbehavior you can't continue to be around her child. Let her know that if she chooses to discipline her child appropriately she is welcome to continue coming over, and that this would be your ideal out come. You don't want to have to ask her to stay away, but this behavior is unacceptable.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:20 AM on Feb. 4, 2009