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bad day....encourging words needed

So this isnt really a question to be quite honest, but im having a bad day and thought maybe you ladies could offer some encourging words. So when i was 15 my brother passed away of a heart attack (he was 21) and for some reason today i cant stop crying and thinking about him. I have a GORGEOUS daughter and she makes my life worth living. But i cant help but think everyday what it would be like with him around to watch her grow up with me. He was my best friend and the best brother a girl could ask for. My father struggled horribly with it along with alcohol, he was sober for 3 years until recently he relapsed and isnt doing so well with his attempt to quit on his own. Im so scared iwill lose him too . Please offer some words to help me get through this. If any of you have been through even a similar situation please tell me how you got through it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • mommy, I know things feel hard right now, there is much pain in your heart, and im so sorry for your loss! But I PROMISE things get worse before they get better, get the bad hitting hard and it just stops, hang in there and deal with one thing at a time, thats all you can do. Everything always turns out for the best..its okay to cry. Stay strong~
    Eveshalloween

    Answer by Eveshalloween at 12:13 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I think the best thing you can do for your brother is accept his death. Imagining what life would be like if he hadn't died is ony hurting you... and I don't think your brother would like that one bit.

    By all means honor his life & teach your DD all about him, but accept what has happened simply because it can't be changed.

    As for your father, that is a disease and he needs your support. I have a family member who is an alcoholic and I feel very helpless as far as he is concerned. Beyond showing him support and refusing to enable him in ANY way... I have no answers. It is so hard to feel helpless and watch someone we love hurt themselves. If rehab was a possibility, I would have taken him in myself. Sometimes these things are not so easy but I do wish I had a better answer.

    Big Hugs, and wishing you peace of mind!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I understand to some extent. My cousin passed away when he was 16. He had a brain hemmorage while he was on the phone talking to his friend about what he wanted for Christmas. He wasn't my brother but I know what a toll it can take on everyone especially when they are young. I can't say you will move on and everything will be as if he wasn't there. It will still hurt down the road, as you are experiencing now. Everyone has different ways with dealing with things. I recently had my dad pass away a day before thanksgiving. It's hard when it's something sudden like that and I think it's harder to get though because you have so many questions and things unsaid. But I wish you and your family peace and I hope and pray you will all find a calmness about the situation one day
    MrsAndrews1117

    Answer by MrsAndrews1117 at 11:30 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • IMO there is life after death. Instead of imagining what life would be like with your brother there, realize that he IS there. I'm sure he is watching you guys from wherever he is. As for your dad...the best thing you can do is be there for him. Every AA involved person will tell you that alcoholics WILL have a slip up. Sometimes more than one. Its important to focus on the fact he is trying to get himself help and encouraging him can help boost him up (while at the same time give you hope for his future as well). Maybe help him get in contact with his local AA chapter so he can get more help and a sponser. And for you both...do things together along with your kid. It will help remind you both while there are bad things that happen, some of life's best things are still with you!
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

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