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3 Bumps

Would this be a problem with you?

My hubby and I have been married for a little over a year. He is definitely the bread winner of the family and his salary pays for a majority of our bills and other things. I work as a parapro in an elementary school while I'm waiting to get a regular teaching position. My pay at this job is really sad but in this job market its really the best way to get my foot in the door somewhere. Anyhoo...my paycheck is usually eaten up by my student loan payment and daycare. I only get paid once a month and usually after the first week after being paid my check is gone from those two expenses and maybe filling my car up with gas.
My issue...my husband refuses to get a joint checking account. I have my own and he has his. Anytime I need to go to the store, get gas, pay a bill, or whatever I have to ask him for money. He usually doesn't complain about giving me the money, but I feel like I'm 12 years old asking my parents for spending money. I've told him how I feel about the situation but he says that he doesn't feel like he'd be able to keep up with how much money he had if I had access to his checking account. I explained to him that in this day and age their is this magical thing called the internet where he could check his balances. I would also make sure to write anything I spent down in a ledger. Should I feel offended that he doesn't trust me enough to share an account with me? The biggest problem for me is that I feel so guilty when I ask him for money with the situation like it is. Should I really push the issue to get a joint account or should I just drop it?

 
brittcw87

Asked by brittcw87 at 1:02 PM on Aug. 4, 2012 in Money & Work

Level 6 (107 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • " He on the other hand has no problem whatsoever blowing money on things he wants. He's all the time buying things online, spending tons of money on health supplements, and eating out. I feel like I'm being penalized for not making as much money as he does. If I ever bring up needing clothes for work or something he acts like its a big deal and we will have to save money for it."

    Thats an ENORMOUS deal. As in marriage-breaker.

    Get with a financial advisor NOW. Both of you. Work out a budget. He can have an account of his own, but the two of you need a joint account for the home as well. You can determine how much of his check goes into the joint account and how much into his private account.

    If he refuses, a marriage counselor is your next step. Most marriages are destroyed over finances.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:17 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • That would seriously piss me off. While I think couples should always have their own account, there should be a joint account for household expenses.

    An allowance? Really? She's his WIFE, not his daughter. That's HER money as much as it is.
    SaraD1989

    Answer by SaraD1989 at 1:15 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • Have you been irresponsible with money? I would say you all need a budget no matter who writes check out of what accounts,, I would nicely ask him to get a joint checking account, or pay for daycare out of his. I love my husband dearly, but in the past he has been careless with money,, at the start of every month, we decide exactly how much is needed,, if we have xtra left, it goes into joint savings, and a splurge or 2 he has no issue (even though he makes the majority of income) for me handing him x amount of dollars for the week, I handle the bill paying and xctra,, and am always honest about how much is coming in and how much is going out.. we also have an agreement if we are going to take more than 100 to spend on something we talk about it.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:21 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • I agree with most of the above, however I would add that if you have an account that is not a joint account where the major income goes in, you will not be able to access those funds immediately if something tragic was to happen to your spouse (ie death, he becomes injured and can't do on line banking, mental incapability etc), who is the account holder. Those funds may be necessary to continue life but not available until the bank permits. However if you have a joint account and something happens you will be able to continue to accessing funds without waiting.
    candbtea

    Answer by candbtea at 1:54 AM on Aug. 5, 2012

  • If the amount of money you have to ask for each month is about the same, you can ask for a monthly allowance for that amount and budget what he gives you.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:07 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • We don't have a joint account and we have been together for over 9 years. If I need money I ask for it. I work and cover my own expenses and help with the household. He covers the majority of the household expenses. Ask him why he feels like you shouldn't have a joint account. This is the only way to get through it. Otherwise ask for an "allowance" once a month and spend wisely.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 1:13 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • Oh yeah, that so would never had worked out for us. The moment we got back from our honeymoon, we went and opened joint accounts and pooled our individual checking accounts into one and our individual saving accounts into one. We are a joint team and nothing is separate.

    What I would do is show up at the bank and sign up for them to give me a debit card for his account. I know that his money is legally your money, but I'm not sure if you can technically do that without his "permission," but I would darn well try!

    Not acceptable, IMO
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:25 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • That would not work for me at all.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:29 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • I don't feel like I have been irresponsible with the money at all. I've definitely went without because I feel so guilty about asking for money to spend on myself. He on the other hand has no problem whatsoever blowing money on things he wants. He's all the time buying things online, spending tons of money on health supplements, and eating out. I feel like I'm being penalized for not making as much money as he does. If I ever bring up needing clothes for work or something he acts like its a big deal and we will have to save money for it.
    brittcw87

    Comment by brittcw87 (original poster) at 1:37 PM on Aug. 4, 2012

  • Yes I would have a major issue. My husband doesn't care how much I spend as long as I give him the receipts. He is very anal about the checkbook being just right, so I have to be sure to give him the receipts or he gets irritated.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 2:04 PM on Aug. 4, 2012