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Were you adopted? What's one thing you think every adoptive parent should know?

As a new adoptive parent, I want my son to have the best life possible. I was just wondering if you could give advice to an adoptive parent, what would it be? Thanks! :0)

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Erin333

Asked by Erin333 at 12:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (21)
  • I was adopted. I always wanted to find my bio parents because it would give me a more secure place in the world to understand where I came from and why I God placed me in the home that he did. An adoptive parent should never take this personally as a sign the child has not been raised well. This is NOT the case at all.
    jamesmommy12

    Answer by jamesmommy12 at 12:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • let your child know that he is adopted from the start a friend of mine found out the wrong way she signed up for the army and was informed that they needed her real birth certificate and she had no clue what they was talking about until she went to the court house to talk to them and then found out she was adopted and had no clue she was 20 before she knew anything and she was so crushed and hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Anon 9:04 - although I agree with telling adopted children the truth right from the start, when you are adopted your original birth certificate is destroyed and you are issused a new one stating your legal (adoptive parents) as though they were your birthparents. It is a true and "real" birth certificate and legal acceptable for everything. If my kids were to request their birth certificate from the courthouse, they would be given one with my husband's and my names on it as mother and father.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 10:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Interesting question! As an adoptive parent myself, I wonder what would be best from an adoptee's perspective. I'll eagerly read the answers from those who have been there! Thanks for posting it!
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 11:09 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • check out the book "20 Things Adoptive Kids wished Their Parents knew" by Sherrie Eldridge.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:05 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Anon 9:04 - orginial birth certificates are not destroyed, they are sealed. In many states adult adoptees may request their OBC when they become of age. In all states, any party of the adoption triad (adult adoptee, adoptive parent, and birth parents) may request non-identifying information from the sealed records.

    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:28 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • OP, as an adoptee I would tell adoptive parent to avail themselves of all of the learnings of how adoption has impacted all members of the triad over the years. Learn everything you can from fellow adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees who have been living this journey. You cannot know how your child will interpret being adopted, or what they individually will need but you can be as prepared as possible for what common adoptee issues are related to identity formation, abandonment/trust issues, etc. The fact that you are reaching out know tells me that you are already on the right path. Good for you!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:31 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Remember that everyone is capable of loving more then one person at a time. Your child may very well have love for the bmom but that doesn't mean they have less love to give you. I've noticed some amoms have this "I am the ONLY mom" attitude & cant imagine sharing the child's love with anyone else. Think how confusing & painful it would be if someone told you there is no way you can love (as an example) your grandma & your mom..that its only ok to have love for one of them. OR your aunt and your mom (or whatever family relationship you can think of). Love is infinite.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Thanks ladies! Our son is 3 1/2 so we didn't get him as a baby. We would never keep something like that as a secret! I don't know if he would ever be able to find his Birth mom as she is homeless and mentally delayed, but we would gladly help him if that is what he wants when he gets older. Keep the replies coming!!!!

    Erin333

    Answer by Erin333 at 7:34 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • a book list - READ ABOUT ... THE ADOPTEE EXPERIENCE http://www.bastards.org/mediaroom/adopteeReader.html
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 7:35 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

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