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How do YOU help the situation?

Say you and your husband have a tough time. You are fighting, not getting along really well, and have really hurt each others feelings. You have reached a point where you still want to be together, but you are hurt. Hubby acts as though everything is still fine, and back to normal now. But you are still hurt. What would YOU personally do to get things better??....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Hi friend,

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You know my husband does the most aggravating thing: he gets me wound up and then he goes to bed and sleeps like a baby. That just friggin drives me nuts.

    The thing I hate about fighting are words..... words are so hurtful and once they leave your lips, they're out there and you can't get them back. So just try.. and tell him too, think carefully before you speak because words are as bad as a smack in the face.

    Good luck. Spring is coming and everything will be fresh and new.

    Take care

    Cheryl
    Reddie

    Answer by Reddie at 10:30 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Talk to him or wrtie him a letter
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • i know what your talking about they do hurt sometimes and they do act like nothing went on i know my hubby throw his ring at me and walk out the door and came back and said sorry but that still hurt stuff and i know this dont help but i just want you to know there is others with you and i wish i could say what would help
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • We had this problem about 7 years ago. I kept everything in till I freakin lost it (not a good idea). I finally talked to him, and I felt like we were getting nowhere....so I talked to a counselor - and that helped out a lot. After that we talked everything out and moved past those problems at that time. It was really hard because I was so hurt. I really hope everything works out for you!

    Aviators_Wife

    Answer by Aviators_Wife at 2:40 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I understand. It's hard to let go of things that hurt. your just going to have to start fresh and leave the past where it belongs...Forgive him. Try not to think about it and don't sit and dwell over those things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I have a very hard time pretending everything is fine when I don't feel that way... unfortunately my DH is AMAZING at it. It's like he flips a switch and all is fine and back to normal. It drives me crazy.

    Anyway, in the situation you described, I would WANT to just tell him how I feel and get my hurt out in the open... but I've found that it is best to give myself a day. Show DH that I love him and if I'm still upset when he gets home the next day we talk it out. Half of the time there is no need and I'm glad I gave myself a little time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • move on. my dh drives me crazy...when we get to a point when we are arguing, he shuts down and completely ignores me. If I say anything to him he makes this smirk. He wakes up feeling better the next day and everything is rosy again and I get over myself. It is in the past and I just make a note of what I think must have caused it in the first (because he won't tell me) place so I know not to do it again, Meanwhile we haven't had an agrument in 7 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Ya know even if you are justified in being hurt and angry, does it change anything?? You have to let it go. I understand how you feel but dwelling on something that is and can not be changed isn't going to help it's just going to make you miserable. When you catch yourself thinking about what happended tell yourself I don't want to think about this, I don't like the feelings that are connected with these thoughts. Thinking about something that you can not change will just continue to make you sad. Try as hard as you can to just let it go.
    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 8:29 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Write down your issues with him--if you have trouble keeping your thoughts together and get too emotional--men tune out when women get all emotional!

    Find a time when the kids aren't around. Turn off the TV and other distracting elements. Sit down in a comfortable location, and TALK!

    If that doesn't go well, then I suggest BOTH of you seeing a marriage counselor or a pastor/priest. The counselor will help to mediate the conversation, and keep you on track, so you can deal with the REAL issue(s).
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • This is the way men are. They can be screaming mad one minute, and once they have gotten it out of their systems. it's over. Not so with us female types. We have to nurse our wounds for a few days, weeks, months, years. The good news is that you can choose to be over it, too. If you need to say something else about it, do it and get it over with. Life is too short to be on the outs with the people you love and who love you. Tell him you are choosing to forgive him and ask him to forgive you. Clear the air, and then move on.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:25 AM on Feb. 4, 2009