In denial about adult ADD/ADHD

My middle son is brilliantly smart & was so focused on his future until his dad died 2 yrs ago. He actually quit taking his ADD meds during his Sr. year in HS & still managed pretty well, graduating 3rd in his class & earning a full-ride scholarship. But now he's been so scattered, so lazy & so unfocused & I can't do a damn thing about it! Why can't he see what I see? When will he grow up & get his act together?! (he's 21) Agh! It's so frustrating to sit & watch all that potential go to waste. Any of you w/ similar experiences? And how did you handle it?

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Asked by mrsmom110 at 10:35 AM on Aug. 6, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (7)

I am sorry. I can relate. Sometimes we just have to be there in the sidelines and let them work it out. I have 3 adult children and through the years, I have so felt the same way. I just had to let go. On the upside, some of the things they learned through their mistakes were the best things for them. The world has a way of teaching them things we can't/things they won't let us. Just keep loving him. They respond better with support - even though they may not deserve it at the time. They will just tune us out or avoid us if we try to force them to learn. It sounds like he will work through this. Give it time... I have a friend who lost her son and she helped me to put a new perspective on dealing with things like this. Keep focused on the good things.- it could be worse :-)

Answer by LeJane at 10:54 AM on Aug. 6, 2012
Credits: 28819 Level 26 Adult Children (18+) 101

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Sounds like he might need grief counseling ...

Answer by tasches at 2:55 PM on Aug. 8, 2012
Credits: 276951 Level 47 Adult Children (18+) Minor

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Hugs to you!
This could describe so many of us, to one degree or another (with or without the meds aspect.) Issues of motivation, potential, achievement, under-achievement, intentions, self-defeating behaviors, and all the emotions involved, are big ones for a lot of people. The dynamic manifests in a lot of areas in life (even when some other areas are "under control.")
Concern about this issue is probably the biggest thing that informs my parenting decisions.

Answer by girlwithC at 10:58 AM on Aug. 6, 2012
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I completely understand how you are feeling. Sadly there is nothing we can do but watch from the sidelines and be there for them if/when they fall. It's heartbreaking.

Answer by meooma at 11:22 AM on Aug. 6, 2012
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Maybe if he hears it from someone else. Is there a pastor/priest, close family friend, grandparent, aunt, best friend that can help you talk with him about this?

Answer by booklover545 at 4:06 PM on Sep. 30, 2012
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Sounds like he might need grief counseling ...
Answer by tasches 4 hours ago

^^ I suggested that a lot during the 1st year after he lost his dad. He really spiraled for a while there. He's slowing coming around, but still has a long way to go!

Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 7:18 PM on Aug. 8, 2012
Credits: 163798 Level 43 Adult Children (18+) 101
Even though he is an adult he is still living in your house and needs to abide by your rules. If not he can move out. If he doesn't want to go on his old meds there are so many new ones on the market now. My son, 14 recently switched from Concerta to Vyvanse and is doing great on it. I do think I have to increase the dosage a bit before he goes back to school.

Answer by robinkane at 3:18 PM on Aug. 11, 2012
Credits: 195258 Level 45 Adult Children (18+) 101

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