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Is it the right time to get married.

I'm 20, he's 24. He asked me to marry him a year ago, before we broke up. I no longer have my engagement ring and he hasn't asked me again (formally) since we got back together. We are due with our first child in April and he wants to get married before that. He keeps telling me that if I don't marry him and show him that I am committed that he's moving out, but we will still be together, just living in two differnt apartments. I want to marry him, but there are some things holding me back. He has $30,000 in debt with poor credit and i have 11,000 with average credit. If we get married my creidt will go down farther and we'll have a hard time buying a house or getting into a bigger apartment. And on top of that my entire family (including my parents) will be upset about it. and my mom helps me out a lot right now. So i'm stuck in the middle of it, and if i dont decide to get married I have a feeling that will be the end.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Why did you get pregnant if you didn't want to make the full commitment to him? You really have to weigh it out now. Keep having your family happy and getting help from them, or struggle to make life with you SO.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:28 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • To make a life with your SO. Sorry.
    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:28 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I don't think you should get married because of a threat @ all sounds like he's trying to control you, I would tell him to do what ever he needs to do but you don't want to get married when your pregnant.
    MrsCarlton

    Answer by MrsCarlton at 11:29 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • You can be a great parent and not be married I don't agree with marriage because your pregnant @ all.
    MrsCarlton

    Answer by MrsCarlton at 11:31 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I think you can build on a marriage together, especially for your child. I think its great that he is so committed to marry you, and that shows his character as a man who knows what is right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I guess what I said before didn't come out quite right. Why did you break-up in the first place and why did you get back together? Was it because you got pregnant? Do you really think he is the one? If you are not sure, then no you shouldn't get married because you're having a kid. You can be good parents with out a marriage certificate. If you think he's the one I don't see a reason to wait to have the kid unless a big expensive wedding and being out of debt before hand means that much to you.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:37 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • We had already planned on getting married, but not this quick. I wanted to do it with the ceremony and reception and all that, but he wants to go to the courthouse to do it and i dont want to. I really wanted to plan the whole thing out and have my daughter be a part of it as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Marriage is a major commitment and you are right to be concerned about his debt and credit score. Since he is placing stipulations on you why don't you place some on him. Tell him you will marry him when he brings his debt down and improves his credit.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 11:39 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Then tell him you are willing to marry him but you want to plan it and have your DD in it. Just lay it out for him. He'll do what you want if he really is committed to staying.....or do the courthouse now and start planning the big wedding for after DD is here.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • These are really two seperate issues. His credit is one thing (along with the debt) And you being pregnant is another. A marriage certificate DOES NOT ensure a stable and happy marriage. If you broke up recently, for good reasons then I would wait. You can both be good parents even if you live in different houses, if you are together or not.
    I like the idea if giving him stipulations!
    jordiegirl

    Answer by jordiegirl at 11:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2009

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