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seriously...whats the big deal?

So i have been with my SO for 5 years and from the beginning i never saw a reason to think he looked at porn often. Well like a week ago i found that he looked at it (whatever i dont really care) and now i find that he looked at it yesterday too and the day before what the hell! We have not been having sex as often either and i cant help but think that its me (ie the way i look or our relationshhip) that ispushing him to look at porn? its starting to hurt my feelings and i dont know what to do! any of you ladies feel the same way?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Talk to him about it, thats all you can really do besides drown in your own uncertainty.

    If it bugs you...tell him, ask him why the coldness,etc. I had to talk to my hubby about his porn lookage too at the beginning of our marriage cuz he's sneak look at it.

    We talked, compromised, and its been fine ever since.
    BonesDragonDew

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 12:12 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • maybe he is developing a porn addiction. that would suck but i would ask him if he feels he has an addiction and why he doesn't have sex with you. it's weird cause if my husband looked be sure he'd be at my back about it. i.e. wanting to get some.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:14 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • so i just said something to him about it, just that in a way it offends me and makes me feel bad about myself and he started flipping out on me saying that i invaded his privacy (uhhh its our computer not just his) and told me that its weird that i looked at the history, obviously trying to redirect the conversation to me being wrong in some way. what do i do? why did he do that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • i would admit it and say yes i looked cause i was concerned. your not having sex with me and i suspected it had to do with porn. i suspect he did it to avoid the whole conversation cause you touched a truth nerve. he doesn't want to admit he has a problem. you did look so be honest as to why you did but bring it back to the problems you have with it and just say honey i love you but i need to know how looking at porn is affecting you and i need you to listen to me as to how you doing that is affecting me. if your truthful then he can't keep trying to blame you of what you did wrong. just say why and your sorry BUT....... continue with his issue. if you can that is.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:29 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Been there, done that! It's not a problem until it starts interfering with your relationship. Which it clearly has! My husband had the same problem. It started while I was pregnant with my 3rd child and gradualy got worse until three years later until I sat him down and explained to him how it made me feel when he chose to jack off at the computer than have sex with me. we had thae same conversation many times finally I told him if he didn't stop then I would find someone who does want to have sex with me. He STOPPED! He still looks occassionally but not very often at all, and if doesn't affect our sex life.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 12:44 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Men always try to turn the blame around to you when they know they are wrong. Melody77 has a good response. I would try that!
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 12:46 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • and just anymore he does not have much to say to me about anything, let alone trying to have sex with me! When we first started dating and up until a few months ago he got on my nerves cause he wouldnt stop grabbin at me!! lol and no matter where we were, what time of day he was constantly grabbin on me and tryin to do it right there! now if i walk from our bedroom to bathroom naked he doesnt even have anything to say, which only makes me feel worse about my appearance. i know hving a baby changes your body and boy mine did and to be honest im trying to get used to it myself and him not being as affectionate and gawky are making me feel even more ugly! (i know it gets annoying but every woman loves when their hubby cant stop touching them lol)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Don't feel bad...(there seems to be a lot of women concerned with thier man's porn)...its just a thing that guys do. They don't even associate looking at porn with anything having to do (or not to do) with you. Its like trashy romance for us girls. lol. And like everyone, sometimes you just wanna "take care of business" yourself. And believe it or not, many guys get "tips" from looking at or watching porn...like how he learned to do that bionic seahorse position...LOL. I'm sure he still finds you sexy and loves you. Its just a guy thing.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 1:30 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • And (no blaming going on here) maybe he was frustrated with being the one who was chasing you. Maybe he wants YOU to chase HIM....that could be sexy! (and since you didn't say if you gave it up whenever he grabbed at you.....) Maybe he was frustrated with rejection? Plus, a dip in sex is completely normal after a baby. You are a "mom" now and some men have to get over the fact that they are screwing someones mom (evenif you were his wife first..). Either way...pounce on him!!! LOL
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

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