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What do I do about my stubborn ex?

My ex and I have been having a lot of issues with the visitation thing and the fact that he hasn't been taking care of our 2 year old daughter. I'd taken advice from people on here about what to do about it and asked him to document her day for me (eating, sleeping, and napping habits) and although he did return with it filled out it wasn't in his hand writing in was written by his aunt who doesn't even live with him and both days seem pretty much the same so I'm not sure that it has any truth to it, I think that they just tried to remember/made it up like an hour before they came to drop her off at the end of the weekend. I have asked him to do this kind of thing before and he refused saying that he doesn't have to so I think he just made things up to shut me up about it without him actually doing it. Is there any consequences for him making things up or telling me lies about what's happening when she is with him?

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Asked by rltdancegurl at 2:26 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • Unless your CO says he has to do it then he doesnt have to do it at all.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:37 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Ideally, that's a great idea but in reality men are not going to be bothered with that. As long as he has a responsible adult watching her there isn't much you can do unless you go to court and tell them you don't want him having her for long visitations but even then you might have to prove why. No there are no consequences for him telling you what you think might be lies about her schedule and eating/sleeping habits. he's a guy. Not many put much stock in the importance of a schedule. They think kids are awake when their eyes are open and sleepy when they rub them. That's about it for men and schedules. They figure kids will cry when hungry. Sad but maybe his aunt is doing a good job but just not writing it down. Maybe she's too busy playing with the baby to write it down. That's a nice thought.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:45 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Really unless you have concerns for her safety and well-being, you should address those through the court instead of giving him assignments... Not saying what you are doing isn't in her best interests, but you are trying to have too much control over the situation. What if the tables were turned? You would tell him to mind his own business, that you're her mother and you'll take care of her. It's kind of pointless if it's made up anyway... Since it seems he is willing to try to placate you, try having a conversation about how both of you feel she should be parented. Even if he's an idiot, he still has a right to his opinions on the matter and will work better with you if he doesn't feel dictated to. Tell him adjustments you've made and the results... talk about your daughter, not him or you.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:15 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • If you think that he is not taking care of her when she is with him than you need to find out. Call CYS or something and they will investigate it. Even if its something minor to where she is sleeping or what she is eating they will find out. If he wants nothing to do with her than take him to court to make the visitation order by the court. and if he wants to see her he will come to court and fight to see her. if not then yo dont have to worry about a thing. Im dealing with the same thing. My ex and I have court ordered visits. He hasnt seen her since Xmas and she hasnt even been to him house since the summer 2008. So when he says that he doesnt want her thats his problem not mine. It would just go against him. Write everything down. EVERYTHING...even when he calls. You can use all that as proof that she has went with him or he has called. GOOD LUCK!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

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